THE GRAN VARONES

Anthony: Where in Philly did you grow up?
Angel: I grew up all over the place. Originally I grew up in the Fairmount section. But then around 9 years old, my mom moved to the Northeast. So we lived near the Franklin mills mall for a while. Then I... — **Anthony:** Where in Philly did you grow up?
Angel: I grew up all over the place. Originally I grew up in the Fairmount section. But then around 9 years old, my mom moved to the Northeast. So we lived near the Franklin mills mall for a while. Then I lived in Orlando for three years between ‘04 and ‘07. Then in ‘07 I moved back to Philadelphia on my own because I kinda like hated it here. Things just weren’t working out for me. When I moved back to Philly, that is when I felt like I became an adult. I was on my own. I was doing my own thing. I finally got my own place. I felt independent. Philly is where I actually came “out”. Because for a while I was hiding who I was. I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to be the way I am. Especially growing up in a church setting. So for a while I hated myself. I was just very depressed. But finally I decided to start accepting myself, when I finally realized that I am not going to change…that’s when I became my own person. That’s how I became who I am today. Yes, Philadelphia is home but it also has a special place in my heart because the community accepted me for who I am. I never felt that kind of acceptance before. So, yes Philadelphia isn’t perfect. There are issues within the community but at the same time, I am grateful for the people whom I met and the experiences that I had there because it’s molded me into what I have become today. So hopefully I am not terrible person. [LoL]
**Anthony:** How do you like here in Orlando the second time around?
**Angel:** Second time around, not so bad. I came to this city feeling very optimistic about the possibilities. I have a new attitude about what to expect when coming to Orlando. Because my first experience in Orlando wasn’t great, which is why I left. But I am a different person than I was in 2007. When I lived here I wasn’t “out”. I worked. I went home. I would play videos games and that was pretty much my life. So coming here this time around, I started off by making friends. There was one friend who I stayed in communication with, Jeff, who was with me that night at Pulse. So I reached out to him and we kinda picked up where things left off. So he showed me around downtown, took me to some clubs and introduced me to some of his friends. I was determined to enjoy the experience of living in Orlando this time around. I like Orlando. Even with everything that has happened. I like Orlando.
**Anthony:** I recently had a working lunch with someone from Melbourne, Australia and they showed me pictures of a massive vigil they had for Pulse. There were like 200,000 people there. How does that feel to get that kind of support from the world?
Angel: It’s amazing. On Facebook and Instagram, I have received messages from people from all over. People from Spain, Dubai, Australia, New Zealand, so it’s just incredible the amount of support that I have seen from around the world. Of course, within the United States, I have received messages from people from everywhere; the Midwest, the west coast, from home. You know, it’s been amazing. I’m hoping that with all the attention this event has caused, hopefully people will start to think about their actions, think about what is it that they say against the community, think about how they treat people within our community. Now people understand that we more visual now, people are more aware but it doesn’t change he fact that there are people who hate us for who we are and like that night, want to attack us for being who we are. So I am hopeful that with all the support out there will result in positive change.
**Anthony:** Do you regret moving to Orlando?
**Angel:** Believe it or not, no. Even after what happened, I don’t regret moving to Orlando. I am not one of those to say “Everything happens for a reason.” Because I don’t think everything happens for a reason. I do believe that some things happen for a reason. What happened at Pulse, I don’t necessarily think there was any good reason for that to happen, I really don’t. But the fact is that it did happen and as result, I am different person today than who I was on June 11^th. So I have to try to make the best of my life going forward.
**Angel Santiago Jr., Orlando**
*Interviewed by: Anthony Leon*
*Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca*

thegranvarones granvarones gay latino queer boricua orlando pulse orlando survivor philadelphia oral history orgullo latino gay men lgbtq storytelling photography photojournalism portrait

It is my experience for many reasons to shut trauma out of my life. On June 12^th, 49 people were murdered at Pulse Nightclub’s Latin Night, becoming America’s largest mass shooting in history. Many of the victims were Latino and gay. What had been a safe space was invaded and attacked. Many of the victims were Puerto Rican. They looked like me and my friend Vince. Naturally, I became angry and afraid. As I usually do, I subconsciously blocked those feelings and many more out of my mind. Shortly after, my best friend Louie said “let’s take a Gran Varón trip to Orlando.” I was hesitant yet ready.

We arrived on July 27^th (day after my birthday). Over a period of three days we met up with several Varones that are part of the Orlando community. When asking questions for our interviews, I was present yet emotionally detached. Their stories of bravery, resiliency, and recovery were inspiring. Each story weighed heavily on me and yet I still couldn’t connect.

Anthony interviewing Angel

That changed on our fourth day of the trip. The morning of July 30^th we traveled to Kissimmee, Florida to meet up with Jorge. Louie had met Jorge online and shared with him that we were in the area capturing and archiving stories of Latino Gay men so that our narratives (as told by us) can be shared forever. Jorge, who had been disconnected from the world, said that he indeed had a story and was ready to open up. We picked him up and what was originally supposed to be lunch turned into 24 hours. Because of our interview schedule we had to quickly leave Kissimmee after lunch and travel to Orlando to do a few interviews. We always meet people where there are at and on their time. We keep to it. Jorge was down to tag along.

Anthony interview Miguel

Jorge watched as we met up with two different Varones and gathered their interviews. He kept silent but you could tell he was processing the stories being told. After our second interview that day, I invited him to come back to our place for dinner. Again, he was down. We traveled the 30 minutes it took to get to a supermarket near the place we were staying. In that time, Louie separated with another to chat with another Varón in his car and I was with Jorge and Sean in our rental. We laughed from the heart as we told jokes, we shared the music that gets us through our roughest times (Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me”), and told each other stories of our families. I felt a developing connection with him, one that wasn’t connected to tragedy.

Anthony interviewing Chris

After dinner, it was time to interview Jorge. He shared details of his background and of how he came to accept his identity. I then asked why he agreed to give up a Saturday and tag along with strangers trekking across Central Florida. That’s when he shared that he was with us because the universe kept him from going to his friend’s birthday party at Pulse that night. One of his friends, Rodolfo, did go to the party. Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33, was one of the 49 victims of the Pulse Nightclub shooting. In that moment, I knew the story that would follow and I felt myself detaching. Jorge wouldn’t allow me to do that. He shared a joke to make me laugh and continued to share his friend’s story with courage I’ve never seen.

Anthony interviewing Franqui

I was trying to hold space for him to share his story and instead he was holding space for me. His courage, his kindness, and his smile kept me present and in touch. Because of Jorge and the others we met in Florida, I was able to begin wrapping myself around the pain I’ve felt these last few months. The news won’t report on the strength of the survivors and those impacted. But all throughout the Orlando area, we met brave people that were pushing forward.

It tears at my mind and my heart that Jorge and I almost didn’t meet. The world tries every day to pin Latino Gay and Queer men from each other when it is through our love that we grow and thrive.

I am forever grateful for meeting Jorge and the other Varones.

- Anthony Leon

Anthony & Jorge taking a selfie when they should have been eating

thegranvarones granvarones queer gay latino boricua puerto rican orlando pulse orlando orlandounited photojournalism storytelling Oral History latinx community familia

so it has been a full week since we returned from our trip to Orlando. admittedly, we are still processing our experience but i will share some highlights.

during our time in Orlando we were able to forge a relationship with QLatinx. their hospitality not only provided healing but served as a foundation during our entire trip. many of the organizers hung out with us, invited us into their homes and into their lives. we were with familia during our entire time there and we are so grateful for our partnership.

one of the many highlights of our trip took place on Friday night. while dancing my ass off at Parliament House, i was introduced to franqui. even with the music blasting, we were able to engage in a conversation about our project. he stated that he once lived in philly and would be more than happy to share his story with us. so on Saturday afternoon, he invited us back to the club so we could interview and photograph him. chyle, when we walked up to the club, he was in a towel and said “yes, I am in towel and what!?” this when i knew his interview would be lit - and it was. his spirit was so welcoming and hsi attitude was so philly. he was yet another reminder of the resiliency and beauty that exists and continues to thrive in Orlando.

we interviewed a total of 8 varones while we were in Orlando. each and every story were both heartbreaking and inspiring. on our last night, we had an impromptu dinner at the house we were staying in. it was so last minute but each varòn pitched in to make it happen. the dinner provided an opportunity for varones to get to know each other and simply just be.

our work in not done. we will continue to work with Qlatinx and do whatever we can to be a part of the growing movement in Orlando. we will continue to share the stories of all varones who so courageously love, live and continue to dance after the pulse massacre.

thank you to chris, miguel, jean, edwin, angel, jorge, joel and franqui for sharing your stories with us. we are beyond humbled, moved and inspired.
thank you to joshua from target and made us feel at home by just being your beautiful femme self. we look forward to hanging out with you at length the next time we in Orlando.

thank you to everyone who donated and did all that they could to make our trip possible. we invite everyone, varones and allies to support latinx queer and trans initiatives in your perspective cities. many of us are doing this work with very little resources and support is needed. if you are not sure what initiatives are happening in your city, inbox us and we will try to support you in connecting with organizers.

thegranvarones granvarones queer latino boricua latinx community familia orlando pulseorlando orlandounited photography photojournalism storytelling Oral History

gofundme.com

Click here to support Gran Varones in Orlando by Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

Since the Pulse tragedy in Orlando, Florida, we have watched as the larger LGBTQ community and mainstream media erase the lives and stories of the Latinx and black queer people lost, many of whom were Latino gay men. We were invited by the community to come to Orlando but need to raise $2,500 b...

When you tell your story, you heal yourself and you heal others. As a story telling and legacy project, we not only believe this but this is the foundation of which we work from. Since the Pulse tragedy in Orlando, Florida, we have watched as the larger LGBTQ community and mainstream media erase the lives and stories of the Latinx and black queer people lost, many of whom were Latino gay men.

We were invited by the community to come to Orlando but need to raise $2,500 by July 18th to do what Gran Varones does best - document the lives and stories of Latino gay and queer men.

We know that erasure creates distance. We know that storytelling builds community and keeps memories alive. This is why we were invited to be in Orlando. Our model has always been to meet varones where they are. We will continue to honor that model and we will continue to provide a platform for Latino gay and queer men to be the narrators of our stories; our own legacy.

My best friend Anthony and I, both queer Latinos, in an effort to build the community that we had been longing for, created the Gran Varones Project in 2014. Through grassroots organizing we have been able to interview, photograph and share the stories of over 100 Latino gay and queer men. These stories have built bridges and created visibility. These stories that document our existence and challenge the notion that we are living in the shadows of shame.

We cannot do this without your support. We need $2,500 for travel and lodging, equipment, time off work and for the production of this project dedicated to Orlando and beyond.

A contribution of any amount ($5, $10, 20, 45, 100 or more) to help raise $2,500 will help us make sure the lives and stories of those no longer with us don’t vanish or are not told in their fullest.

We will keep all supporters updated on our journey to Orlando and back so you know what your contribution is helping make happen.

Gran Varones, while not a funded project, continues to be a project driven by the support of varones and allies who believe in our vision and community memebers who have so generously shared their stories and hearts with us.

Your support is greatly appriciated.

Sincerely,

Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

Creator of The Gran Varones

thegranvarones granvarones orlando queer latino gay storytelling gay men oral history documentary orgullo pride

advocate.com

Queer Latinx: Tired of Being Targets

Latinos, especially Puerto Ricans, were targeted for slaughter Sunday morning. That point should not be brushed over or erased, writes Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca.

“Yes, this tragedy has impacted our entire queer community. And yes, in these critical times we must find every bridge that connects all of our oppressions, but we must do this without reinforcing erasure of Puerto Ricans, a community that continues to be colonized by the U.S. Puerto Ricans continue to be migrants in their own country, and while many of us are not fleeing the island because of violent dictatorship, some come to the mainland seeking solace and refuge from an island that has been and continues to be pillaged by white supremacy.” - Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca, Creator of Gran Varones

the gran varones granvarones pulseorlando queer latino latinx gay puerto rican boricua familia orlando the advocate op-ed

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Click here to support Gran Varones in Orlando by Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

Queer Latinx: Tired of Being Targets