The Gran Varones is a legacy project that uses stories for Latino & Afro-Latino Gay and Queer* men
so when we first heard of eva langoria’s whack ass idea #BrownRibbonCampaign, asking oscar goers to wear brown ribbons to show support and shine light on the
lack of latino representation in hollywood, we thought she would be the
dope of the day. turns out that this jose antonio vargas would steal
that prize in the 11th hour by tweeting this bullshit.
seriously!? this dude expects black people to do all of the heavy
lifting while he just lifts his phone to tweet some whack shit? yo, eva
and jose, were y'all mad last year about the lack of latino
representation at the oscars? or were y'all just waiting for black
people to do the work so that y'all slip in and say “mira! us too tho!
say something!” mind you, you are not directing that question to the
oscars or hollywood but to black people!
boricua jesus, take the wheel, please! LMAO
yes, hollywood continues to fail to see us in all of our glory and
magic but we cannot allow white supremacy to CONTINUE to scare and trick
us into directing our frustrations to black people, a community who is
always courageously leading revolutions that we DIRECTLY benefit from.
ribbons won’t free us and tweeting bullshit expectations that others do our work will mos def not provide us freedom
for years, black and latino gay men and men who have sex with men
have been ringing the alarm on how HIV has been ravaging our
communities. we have consistently been asked “where are the statistics?
where are the numbers? where is the proof?” of course, our lives and
experiences were never enough. we needed a government study to tell us
what we already know. yesterday the proof arrived. are we surprised?
fuck no! but that does not take the sting away.
according to a new CDC study,
1 in 2 black gay men and 1 in 4 latino gay men will become HIV-positive
if the current rate of infection continues. this shit means that black and latino gay men are more likely to contract HIV than white gay men. but
again, we have already known this – for years!
since the
release of this report, there been a few articles shining light on
this and rightfully so. unfortunately, most have them failed to include the voice and perspective of
latino gay men. this cannot continue. just because an advocate says “gay
men of color” does not give them permission to speak for us – we have
our own god damn voice. to prove this fact, here are the responses of latino
gay/queer* men to the CDC report. our tongues are untied.
“The thing that pisses
me off is that I never get to read that study. Broad public health
initiatives obviously help for reasons that, I bet, are less obvious.
But here’s the kicker: whatever the result of *that* study, we can act
on that information. What the hell am I supposed to do with the
information that one in four gay Latinos are going to contract HIV? Stop
being gay? Stop being Latino?”
Eddie Santiago Beck – Miami, Florida
“But
yet people are getting black/brown $$$$’s to serve our community and
all we see is increases in their salaries. I need federal and state
funders to get up and pay attention. You can’t give money to an all
white organization and expect them to step out their comfort zone (the
office) and enter the ‘hood to talk to black/brown lives and hope they
understand. Organizations can’t plaster white faces on programs that are
meant to serve black/brown lives and hope they can get through to them.
What does it look like a white individual walking through heart of
North and West Philly and there first words are “HIV TEST.” My
apologies, some people will never understand the culture differences.
Start putting them millions of dollars back into the community and begin
to build relationships within the community. I was taught that you
never go to a gathering empty handed. There are bigger issues than an
HIV test, like shelter, food, clothing and so much more.”
Luis Berrios, Philadelphia
“Like,
“look! We’ve discovered this disparity! Just giving you a heads up!”
But are they gonna fund programs specific to us? Lead by us? Designed
by us? With faces that look like us so our general public will give a
fuck? Wtf is actually going on though? Are we surprised? We’ve been
telling people, usually white, that we’ve been in danger. This is
fucking staggering. Half y’all, HALF, of black “MSM” projected to be
diagnosed in their life time. And A WHOLE ENTIRE QUARTER of Latinos. I’m
left to wonder where our Afro-Latino family falls.”
Ayden Castellanos - Rio Grande Valley, Texas
“Each
community has a unique experience and we need to engaged in those
communities and those disproportionately impacted by HIV. 1 out of 4
Latino gay men will be diagnosis with HIV in their lifetime. We need to
assure inclusion at all levels with engagement strategies tailored to
those unique needs and the reality we face as Latino gay men living in
America.”
Richard LaBoy – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
“The
CDC is always making vast statistics about black and Latino men. But
what pisses me off more is that they don’t fuckin aid in the fight to
end the rising numbers. How many proposals, or research projects does
the CDC need to show that we aren’t receiving the same amount of care
and attention that is needed? Why is the CDC and AACO funding these
organizations that aren’t doing a damn thing for us until it is too
late? Why are we celebrating the accomplishments of individuals who have
stated they won’t go into North Philly or test Latinos because of a
simple solution to a language barrier problem? It’s fuckin ridiculous!
Most researched never have never stepped into the ‘hood. They never do
the ground work but they can sit in their offices creating statistics.”
Xander Lopez, – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
“Someone
posted the picture of the CDC Report on Instagram and he asked for
thoughts and a lot of people gave heated and emotional responses. Well,
one guy put a great comment that sticks in my mind when I hear these
statistics. He said something to the affect about how we should not just
get pissed at the connotations in the statistics but use it as a
driving forces to create a better society for ourselves. One in which we
feel free to discuss openly about HIV with our partners, family, and
communities without fear and stigma because that in the end will bring
those rates down. That stays with me.”
Anthony Leon – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
“These
statistics DO NOT mean that we have failed ourselves. These statistics
mean that the system and prevention services have FAILED us. We Latino and Afro-Latino gay men are NOT “hard to reach.” We are reaching
out to each other, building community and providing whatever support
needed to sustain ourselves - and with very little and limited
resources.”
My name is German but you can call me “King.” I am new to Philly, I
love it and I love the scene. As a child I grew up unable to be myself
due to the things I was forced listen to about being gay. I was bullied
by my uncles because they always called me gay. I lost so many chances
at life. I held myself back from so many opportunities because I was
scared to come out. I loved to sing, dance and act but I was told that
that was for “gays.” Everyone made really negative comments
about gay men. For example, using HIV and AIDS as a way to scare me and
that had a huge impact in my life growing up. I had a best friend as a
child he was openly gay and I was very scared to even bring the subject
up due to the things that I heard.
I met the love of my life back home in upstate New York during the
summer of 2014. He was attending University of the Arts in Philly and I
was moving New York City to continue my studies as a photography and
film major. After moving to New York City, I ended up working so much
and missing out a chance to start school. So I looked into schools in
Philadelphia and I was lucky to be able to have scholarships rolled
over. So now I am continuing my studies in Philadelphia.
Now a
year and half later, we are living together living in our apartment in
center city Philadelphia. Loving him is what has made me feel free and
strong. I am happy at last.
when we started to the gran varones project, we never
imagined that the outcome would be a documentary film. in the winter of 2013,
with a no money, a few iphones, a flip cam and a shoddy microphone, we began
interviewing gay latino men from north philadelphia for a portrait photography
project. our goal was to raise the voices of gay latino men in philadelphia
telling our stories, the stories that often times get left out of the lgbtq
narrative.
in just a few months, we quickly amassed about 20 hours of film.
we knew we had to do something with the footage so we decided to download an
editing program, and learned how to use it as we edited the footage. The final
product is a 55 minute documentary of latino gay men courageously sharing their
stories and experiences.
the “our legacy is alive” documentary is a reminder that we
must tell our stories. the stonewall movie is a sobering truth that if we do
not tell and share our stories, no one will. we hope that you are inspired by
the film to share yours . we hope that this film serves as proof that our
stories can heal and brief life in our communities right here, right now. our
legacy is alive.
project coordinators:
louie a. ortiz-fonseca
anthony leon
sean laughlin
this film and project are dedicated to the courageous varones who have
so generously shared their stories in effort to raise our voices.
special thanks: gloria casarez, brent morales, charlotte sahadeo, erika
amiròn niz, nikki lopez, elicia gonzales, jaymie campbell, kira manser, samantha dato,
raices culturales latinoamericanas, concilio taller puertorriqueño and everyone
who has supported the making of this film and project.
“Growing up in Philly was interesting to say the least. I had many
friends but kept my sexual preference a secret until later in life. Now
looking back at it, I wish I would have been more open with myself and
those around me but everything happens for a reason. I grew up in Mount
Airy, so I was blessed to grow up around some pretty decent individuals
who taught me how to be a diverse individual. Keeping my friends diverse
and opening myself to new things is what guided me through
life growing up. I moved to California in 2012. It wasn’t something
that was planned or it wasn’t something I was prepared for. I simply
woke up, said to myself "I need a change.” I quit my job, flew to
California the next day, checked into a motel, and stayed there for a
week until I found an apartment and signed the lease. The whole process
from idea to execution took about three weeks. It was one of the most
daring, spontaneous things I ever done and I loved every minute of it. I
eventually decided to move back for family reasons but what I miss most
about California is the people. Everyone is so open and honest, and
raw, and passionate, and it was refreshing and such a change that I was
not used to.” - Michael Thompson
I write this to all varones involved in and impacted by the two violent fights that took place in Philly’sGayborhood on March 11th and March 12th.
I wanted to address this issue because I understand that our silence means more violence. We may not hang out or even be friends on Facebook but our mere existence, the community we are inherently a part of, is what connects us. We have all walked the streets of North Philly either ready to fight or purposely falling deaf whenever we heard the word faggot. We have all had to become harder to protect our hearts, our mental health, our humanity and ourselves. This is what binds us. This is what now threatens to tear us a part.
It would be dishonest for me to say that I was anything less than horrified by the details of the violence that occurred. I would be lying if I said that I did not immediately and involuntarily choose a side by making someone right and someone wrong, a coping mechanism to explain the continued cycle of violence. But then I remember what my aunt Janet once told me, “People find power in the strangest places.” Her words echo through me, making sense of something senseless. On last Wednesday and Thursday night, a few found power in creating physical pain and watching rivers of blood flow.
Choosing sides does a disservice to the process of revealing the truth behind heartbreaking events like this. I am committed to not choosing sides because I know it is a set up. We, Latino gay/queer* men are set up to hate those who look and sound like us. We are socialized to be angry all of the time. I get it, survival of the fittest. You can cry, but fists must fly either before or after the massacre. I get it. We are sending a message.
No one will ever make us feel dumb again. No one will ever make us look stupid and if they do, then they must pay for every time someone made you feel less than human. I know, I have been there and even now I sometimes just want to rage and set the world ablaze when someone attempts to make it even more difficult to be a Latino gay man. But I don’t and Lord knows it requires so much faith in the beauty of the world that prevents me from starting that fire.
I wish we had as much courage to fight oppression, as we have to fight each other. I wish we knew that the presence of another gran varones’ magic is not the absence of our own. I wish we could remember that the pain of feeling ugly, dumb, fat and invisible is not an isolated feeling. I wish we knew that we are all fighting our own battles daily. I wish we knew that we are all enough and beautiful as we are.
I hope these recent or any violent event does not make you even harder. I hope that this does not dim any of the light that you provide the universe. It is our duty to stand with, by and for each other. Violence and anger will not sustain us. It cannot. It will not protect us from all that is working against us.
With this letter I am asking you to summon the courage to love yourself and each other harder. We must occupy this void. We must be willing to build a castle TOGETHER with all the bricks that society alone throws at us. Our survival requires no less. Until we recognize the beauty and wonder in each other as gran varones, we will always struggle with finding it in ourselves.
“i am half pakistani and half cuban. i grew up in motherfuckin’ north philly with puerto ricans. i was teased and bullied and i was even harder on myself because of how i looked. now i am happy with who i am. i have a lot of work to do but i am trying. some people think that i am the bully now and sometimes i agree with them. i am outspoken and sometimes i take it too far. i’m trying. the world can make you hard but i smile and try not to go off every damn day. like i said, i am trying, you what i am saying’?” - shabeel din
GV: why do you think it’s important to have lgbtq nights in north phily? Orlando: because our community is expanding and it’s so much more accepted now. It shouldn’t have to be “accepted,” it should just be.
GV: do you think there is a gay latino community in philly? Orlando: oh yes. it is actually larger than it’s ever been. it needs a little guidance, much like everything else but it looks like it is going to be strong. I see in the streets, bars, super markets and laundromats. I see it everywhere.
on january 31, 2015 a few gran varones shared time and space to celebrate each other and our community. we also started the discussion of having more gatherings and inviting all gran varones! stay tuned!
“i just really want to find out what happened to my sister. it is so heartbreaking that i have sit here daily and think ‘what really happened to my sister?’ she is supposed to be here. it’s just sad. right now, i am just at the moment where you will see my face because my sister was somebody and i will get justice for her. - Ralphiee Colon #JusticeForMelanie #RIPMelanieColon
“we were getting off the train at 116th and i told my dad that i wanted to move to san francisco and he responded by saying ‘don’t be too loud, someone could hear that and think you’re gay.’ at 13 years old, i thought that i could only live in my truth in SF, i wasn’t aware that outside of my pre-gentrified hood, that NYC was a gay mecca.” - anthony leon aka “antonio” on the gram. :)
Roger: My name is Roger and I grew up in Pasadena, California. I am Mexicano and I have lived in Philadelphia for 7 years. The experience here is very different from LA in terms of integration. I feel like there were a lot more out and open Latino gay men in LA than they are in Philadelphia.But I found it’s been a good experience being able to integrate into different cultures and atmospheres.
GV: Do you think there is a Gay Latino Community in Philly?
Roger: I think it’s integrated into other cultures but I don’t think there is a solid Gay Latino community the way it is in other parts of the country.
on this world AIDS day, we lift up and pay homage to the gran varones who have passed and we stand in loving solidarity with all the gran varones who continue to live & thrive.
check out a clip of ricardo’s story. he is one of the gran varones featured in the full length documentary. here he reminds us and the community that the truth can sting at first but then it heals.
