The Gran Varones is a storytelling project that uses video and photography for Latino Gay and Latino Queer* men. Inspired by Willie Colon’s groundbreaking song “El Gran Varòn,” this project shines a light on what being “out” and “proud” means to us.
Anthony: What was it like for you growing up in North Philly?
Manny: I think for me, because I was socially awkward, I would like “ok, I see people playing outside and I just wanna stay in my room.” But my parents would force me to go outside.
When I was first struggling with my sexuality, I thought there was no hope. I thought I was gonna be stuck in my room forever but then coming and finding resources, places like Galaei and Mazzoni’s Ally Program, it helps you find yourself and accept who you are.
Anthony: So you’re just 18 but if you could tell 14 year old Manny something what would you say?
Manny: I think I would tell him everything happens for a reason and you’ll discover things that you may not wanna accept right now but pretty soon, like, everything is gonna be in the light and it’s gonna be all happy and rainbows and you’re gonna be this radical unicorn. just wait for it.
Louie: So we have known each other for almost 20 years! I remember always seeing you, Erika and Gabo in Woody’s.
Edgar: That was a magical era for me. I was never scared. I mean, you took care of yourself because things happen, but there was no bashing. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico but I found my gay family here. I swear, that was a magical era. You know, you used to see me all the time. I used to club all the time. I wish we could go back because things are so different now. But I can’t complain about my youth. If i had a chance, I’d do it all over again. Everything.
Today is my birthday. I am so thankful to have my health and today is about dedicating everything I do to my mom. I lost her a month ago and I miss her warm smile and strength. She always loved me unconditionally. I’m lucky because everyone didn’t have that support. I did. I miss her.
Edgar Lynn Ortiz-Rentas, Philadelphia
Interviewed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca
GV: so what brought you to philly and how has it been living in philly?
FELIPE: “i was raised in boston, mass. i lived in puerto rico for a few years with my family and then we moved back to the states. after that, around age 10, i was placed in foster care and then when i graduated undergrad, i moved to philly. i had just family and i wasn’t familiar with the philadelphia scene in general, never mind gay latinos. it took me a while to get established into the community. i’ve only just recently, in the last year, met people that are more pro-active in queer identity.”
Louie: Describe the moment you know unequivocally that you were gay?
Adrian: My family used to go to the mall a lot when I was little. I realized I was staring into the Abercrombie window more than the Victoria’s Secret window. And then the men and not the women who were passing by us. I knew I liked boys and the way they made me feel. I was probably 10.
Louie: We have met several varones who have recently been diagnosed, all of them while in the hospital. Many of them are afraid of the stigma that they will unfortunately and inevitably experience. What would you want them to know about the journey of living with HIV?
Adrian: I’d want them to know that they’re not alone. When I went to my first conference (USCA2014) only a few months after I was diagnosed, I saw this huge community. I’m not talking about the pharmaceutical reps and doctors. I’m talking about the advocates. People that were where I was. People my age. Latinx people. Like, I was very fortunate to have a support system. And that’s part of why I got into this work. I want to be there for that person that might not have anyone. Because I get it. I know how uncomfortable that hospital bed is. And I know how scary it is to disclose to someone for the first time. Can we start a big sibling project for newly diagnosed folks? Lol
Louie: Who is the person that got you through your most difficult time?
Adrian: Oh man, my mama. She’s the MVP, almost literally ride or die. When I collapsed she got me into the car and drove me to the hospital. She hates driving at night. She refused to leave my side in the hospital. She’s literally the first person I told. Why are you trying to make me cry? Lol Yeah my mom. I had just left my ex too. She got me through all that. When I was on bed rest for a month after the hospital she was there every second. We were going through a lot with my dad at that time too. I’ve never met anyone more resilient in my life. She’s literally a goddess.
Adrian Castellanos, Rio Grande Valley, Texas AIDS Activist, Blogger and contributing writer to The Gran Varones
My name is German but you can call me “King.” I am new to Philly, I
love it and I love the scene. As a child I grew up unable to be myself
due to the things I was forced listen to about being gay. I was bullied
by my uncles because they always called me gay. I lost so many chances
at life. I held myself back from so many opportunities because I was
scared to come out. I loved to sing, dance and act but I was told that
that was for “gays.” Everyone made really negative comments
about gay men. For example, using HIV and AIDS as a way to scare me and
that had a huge impact in my life growing up. I had a best friend as a
child he was openly gay and I was very scared to even bring the subject
up due to the things that I heard.
I met the love of my life back home in upstate New York during the
summer of 2014. He was attending University of the Arts in Philly and I
was moving New York City to continue my studies as a photography and
film major. After moving to New York City, I ended up working so much
and missing out a chance to start school. So I looked into schools in
Philadelphia and I was lucky to be able to have scholarships rolled
over. So now I am continuing my studies in Philadelphia.
Now a
year and half later, we are living together living in our apartment in
center city Philadelphia. Loving him is what has made me feel free and
strong. I am happy at last.
What was it like coming out as a Latino in a city that often times doesn’t make room for us?
Well it was kinda difficult because the way my parents were raised and
we lived in a neighborhood where it wasn’t OK to be gay. My dad had me
in sports all my life and I played football up until the time of high
school. My father always put in my head one day “You’re gonna move out,
get married, have a wife and you are gonna start your own family. When I
told my parents of my interest in men,
they didn’t take it well and I went through a lot of crap to explain to
them this was who I am and it wasn’t going to change. A lot of my
friends didn’t except me and whenever I tried to join a game they would
think I only wanted to play to get closer to them or try and touch them
somehow. Eventually I had to make new friends throughout my high school
years because I had to fight back so much from all the bullying. That’s
when I came out and started a new chapter in my life.
Back then, I didn’t know too many Latinos because by that time we were
living in Northeast Philly . I didn’t even know Spanish ‘cause I was
hardly around it. I heard about this place called The Attic in the
gayborhood. And for a whole year, almost every night I shot downtown
after school, trying to find a group for me to fit in. There were never
too many Latinos around and if I saw one, it was rare. The groups were
It was mostly split between black and white. I always felt like I had to
choose between the two and it was hard because my neighborhood was so
diverse and I could get along with anyone. I jumped into the vogue scene
for a bit, but never found a real warm welcome with that community. I
guess you could say I felt the “shade” towards me and for no reason at
all honestly. And I chilled with the rich white folks and always felt
like I was like at like a “minority” to them. No one ever showed me real
kindness or explained to me what it was like to come out, to feel
accepted. I felt like I had no one to relate to. I knew I lost all my
straight friends and that maybe I was fucking crazy for jumping into
this lifestyle. In that whole year my experience in the gay community
was very negative and it’s probably the reason to this day why I choose
not to get involved much with the gay community. Luckily in that year
God had also mended the relationship I had with my family over my sexual
orientation. I eventually ended up staying local in my neighborhood in
North Philly and met a Latino guy named Jose who grew up in the same
neighborhood as my family. Finally, I met someone I felt like I could
fit in with, who explained to me their struggles coming out and how they
dealt with it and who was also Latino. Someone was there to explain
things to me that I didn’t quite understand. I finally felt like I made a
friend, and coming out.
“As a Latino, you are taught that blood is thicker than water and to always be there for your family no matter what. When I came out they accepted me for who I was. That doesn’t happen too often in the gay community. Seeing the stigma on gays in society, my family still embraced me with open arms, I am lucky. My close friends are also my family. Growing up in North Philly, you learn the value of loyalty. So when you come across friends with that, you hold onto them.”
As part of En Blanco y Negro: Gay & Boricua, an exhibition of the
artwork of José Luis Cortés, GALAEI and Taller Puertorriqueño are
pleased to present a panel discussion on important issues affecting the
LGBTQ Latino community.
The panel will look at, from different
perspectives, their past, current and future directions. The topics
addressed will include the intersectionalities of insider/outsider,
invisibility, homophobia, resilience, migration, ethnicity, race, class,
and gender, the impact of the HIV/AIDS
epidemic, and the social and political organization of LGBTQ Latinos in
the United States and Puerto Rico. This will be a public and open forum.
Panel participants include: José Luis Cortés, artist; Elicia Gonzales,
Executive Director of GALAEI; Erika Guadalupe Núñes, artist and
community organizer; Emmanuel Coreano, a youth member at GALAEI; Bella, a
trans* identifying youth who is passionate about the Queer community;
and Anthony Leon from The Gran Varones Project. David Acosta, AIDS
activist, writer, cultural worker and current artistic director for Casa
de Duende, will be the moderator.
Louie: So what is it like being a queer Latino transplant in Philly?
Luis: Identity is something that I’m always struggling with. My Latino heritage has always been very important to me, while my gay identity was something that I had to come to terms with.
As a teenager I fully immersed myself in Latino culture and sought out other Latino friends and media. It’s funny that I used to think rainbow and gay pride paraphernalia were tacky, but thought the Colombian and Honduran bracelets, necklaces and oversized jerseys I would buy at festivals were that much cuter.
Going to Temple and moving out finally gave me the chance to explore my gay identity without worrying about my parents finding out. My very first night living in Philly I went to my first gay club, Woody’s college night – stone cold sober. It was tragic but I broke the seal and it basically a wrap after that.
The past five years in Philly I’ve gotten to know the gay community, but when it comes to the Latino community I couldn’t tell you anything besides the general areas where you can probably hear Spanish on the street and a couple restaurants.
It’s tough to find myself losing touch with my Latino identity, something that’s always been special to me, but I’m trying to find ways to remedy that.
when we started to the gran varones project, we never
imagined that the outcome would be a documentary film. in the winter of 2013,
with a no money, a few iphones, a flip cam and a shoddy microphone, we began
interviewing gay latino men from north philadelphia for a portrait photography
project. our goal was to raise the voices of gay latino men in philadelphia
telling our stories, the stories that often times get left out of the lgbtq
narrative.
in just a few months, we quickly amassed about 20 hours of film.
we knew we had to do something with the footage so we decided to download an
editing program, and learned how to use it as we edited the footage. The final
product is a 55 minute documentary of latino gay men courageously sharing their
stories and experiences.
the “our legacy is alive” documentary is a reminder that we
must tell our stories. the stonewall movie is a sobering truth that if we do
not tell and share our stories, no one will. we hope that you are inspired by
the film to share yours . we hope that this film serves as proof that our
stories can heal and brief life in our communities right here, right now. our
legacy is alive.
project coordinators:
louie a. ortiz-fonseca
anthony leon
sean laughlin
this film and project are dedicated to the courageous varones who have
so generously shared their stories in effort to raise our voices.
special thanks: gloria casarez, brent morales, charlotte sahadeo, erika
amiròn niz, nikki lopez, elicia gonzales, jaymie campbell, kira manser, samantha dato,
raices culturales latinoamericanas, concilio taller puertorriqueño and everyone
who has supported the making of this film and project.
(yvette santiago, sadie ramos, anthony leon, samantha martinez & louie a. ortiz-fonseca)photo by jose hernandez
two years ago Anthony Leon sat in my office and after discussing the invisibility and erasure of Latino gay men in philly, we dreamt up the gran varones. we called Sean Laughlin (our video editor) into the office and he was like “cool. when do we start shooting?” so with no money, a few iPhones, a flip cam, Sean’s shoddy microphone and Anthony’s car, we set out to document the stories of latino gay men.
photo by jose hernandez
never did i imagine the impact and reach this project would have. i certainly never imagined being presented with the prestigious Vision Aware for Creative Artist of the Year by the Hispanic Choice Awards this past Saturday night.
the community that i have (re)discovered while working on this project has provided healing and hope for my raging heart. it is this love that continues to inspire me to challenge systems of oppression that are committed to reducing our experiences and existence as latino gay men to “hot,” “sexy” and “spicy.”
(louie a. ortiz-fonseca, anthony leon, emmanuel coreano and fran cortes)
thank yous:
to the varones who generously and courageously shared their stories: you are my heroes and i salute you. it is your magic and your light that make this project shine.
to Javier Suarez, Cecilia Ramirez and the entire team at Hispanic Choice awards: thank you for everything! i am humbled and honored.
(samantha martinez, nikki lopez, louie, carlos nunez and david agosto)
to Carlos Nunez: who called me a few months back and said “listen, people better nominate you for this award.” i know you can win it!“ you put it out into the universe.
to galaei: thank you for believing and supporting our project from day one. also, thank you for always providing space (on always short notice lol) for us to film interviews.
to all of the mothers, fathers, grand mothers, grand fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, niece, nephews, neighbors and friends who love & support varones in their life: you help change the narrative that latinos are “more” homophobic than other communities.
to EVERY varòn: you matter right now. not for what you were or what you may be - but for what you are now. you matter right now.
