The Gran Varones is a legacy project that uses video and photography to tell the stories of Latino & Afro-Latino Gay, Queer and Trans men. Our stories shine light on what being “out” and “proud” means to us, our families, and our communities.
so i traveled to philly this past weekend to 1. meet up with a few varones as our project is still based there and 2. to dance my ass off at a 90’s party that was going down. as soon as i get off the train, i hear noise, white noise to be exact. i come up the stairs and i am blinded by the color green and i think to myself “fuck! it’s st. patrick’s day weekend!” so after rolling my eyes, i took a deep breath and prayed that not a single one of those fools curved their thin lips to scream in my face or say some shit that would get their faces smacked.
so it’s about 12.15pm and i walked through about 30 screaming students who are dressed in green and obviously drunk. now this is happening in an Amtrak train station that on any day is swarming with police - ya know, for security reasons. to my shock, i look to see if they are any police around and of course there weren’t any. sadly, i was both relieved and horrified. white drunk people scare me. so i watch these white kids continue to scream and take up so much space and NO ONE bats an eye. why? cuz it’s st. patrick’s day and white kids just wanna have fun.
on the real, i wanted to capture it for my snapchat story but legitimately was afraid that they would perform so i decided against pulling out my phone.
why is this especially problematic? because philly’s new mayor, the one that even black and browns folks praised as the second coming of the messiah, has broken his promise to fight the racist “stop & frisk” policy. a policy that gives the monsters in blue to stop and frisk anyone without probable cause. obviously, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that a policy that is used to dehumanize black and latinos in philadelphia, was not used at all during this “festive” weekend.
now, i don’t know about y'all but drunk white people scare me. they do! their behavior is really no different from the behavior of trump supporters. it’s as if being pissy ass drunk gives them wings to say and do shit they wouldn’t “normally” do. and much like trump supporters, they apologize when they are caught. “oh my, i am so sorry. i don’t know what came over me.” this is why drunk white people are scary to me but not to philly police. nope. not them. drunk white people don’t scare them. sober, empowered and politically driven black and brown folks who scream “black lives matter” are what scares them.
today we celebrate, honor and raise up the women who ignited the warrior spirits in varones!
Even though we fight, argue and don’t agree on everything, my mother is everything to me. After my father’s deportation she found the strength she needed to provide for myself and my sister, keep the family together and always with a smile on her face when though I know it seeing her family torn by ICE affected her just like it did me. She fought immigration to ensure that both of us received our green cards even though countless lawyers and “ experts” said it was a lost cause. She even gave me the strength I needed while we did our civil disobedience together blocking the ICE offices in Philadelphia. I would not be where I am if it wasn’t for her. Gracias mami.
- Miguel Esteban Andrade
We don’t have many photos together. Cameras were just never around and the ones that were, we never got those pictures developed. LOL But you and i would reminisce and paint pictures with our words and love. This is the first Mother’s Day I have to endure without you. I have a pain that I will never lose but your love that continues to carry me through. Thank you for my warrior spirit. Mom, I love you to the moon & back.
- Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca
Who ran to help me when I fell, my Queen. Who would read me a book to sleep, my Queen. Who would kiss my BooBoo and tell me I will get better, My Queen. My Mothers love is like no other. Who said “I don’t care who you love, as long as you continue to love me! My Queen! She’s a magical loving person that God blessed me with. I wish her the best and full of Health. Happy Mothers Day!! iLoveYou!
- Carlos Lopez
Happy Birthday mom! Two days ago you would have been 79 years young. It’s hard to believe that it has been only 5 months since you left us and even harder not to pick up the phone to call you and wish you a happy birthday. But today, I celebrate your life and the memories that you have created for me. To remember your laughter as we chatted about various things from the weather
I remember spending days and evenings with you. Some times we would talk, some times we would just be quiet in our own thoughts. But every night before I left your side , I told you I loved you,kiss you in your forehead and that I’d see you the next day. I remember that last night I saw you , that you gave me a kiss and a hug and a special longing look, like you were memorizing my face. I remember turning around to look at you in you'r room, wanting to turn back and not go to bed. I slept that night with a heavy heart. That night, that moment, is something that I will always remember. No words can ever express that feelings that I felt. As I looked back, I know you were saying “good-bye” to me, even though you never really said the words. It is something I will cherish all my life.
So on this Mother’s Day, mom, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday and to remember you as you were – strong, brave, loving…special.
You may be gone from this physical earth, but you live within me every day, every moment, every second.
every time you see a fem boy, maricòn, fag, queen, cissy boy or a fat queer boy strutting down the street - it should make you fuckin’ proud! #YesFats #YesFems
and… being HIV positive and STILL feeling sexy being loud loving our bodies loving our latinidad loving our blackness loving each other loving ourselves unapologetically.
salute to everyone on mass transit during rush hour who pull out
their phones to take a selfie! mad love to everyone who snap their
beautiful faces while walking down the street, sitting at your desks at
work, laying up in the emergency room, posing on your bed or flexin’ at
the damn club. there ain’t no shame in feeling yourself in a world that
attempts to trick you into hiding from yourself. don’t let anyone shame
you because your phone is filled with pictures of your lovely face.
celebrate that shit!
happy friday, varones! be beautiful and capture it in a selfie!
right here, right now, we must love each other unconditionally. why?
because NO ONE else does. to some, we are lovable if we are not fem, if
we are not fat, if we are “woke”, if we are masc.we can disagree, we can
fight, we can be wrong and we can be right. but varones, we need all of
ourselves to free ourselves. all of us.
Louie: So you’re originally
from some place in New York I have never heard of (LOL) what is the craziest
experience you have had in Philadelphia?
Alejandro: The craziest experience I’ve
had in Philadelphia? I briefly befriended a young homeless man in center city.
I’d seen him playing a guitar on the sidewalk one day, and a few days later the
guitar was gone. He said it been stolen. I spent a late night hanging out with
him once, and at some point another homeless youth confronted him about
something and lunged at a bunch of us with a switchblade. It was a whole
different side of the city that I’ve ever seen.
Louie: So what was it like
growing up in your family?
Alejandro: I
had a great stretch of happy childhood at first. My parents met while working
in the dining room of a hotel in the Hudson Valley, and when I was born, they
lived on the second floor of another immigrant family’s house. My happiest
memories are from living in a trailer that my parents rented afterwards. I
loved the Muppets, so my parents bought me the “Muppet Christmas”
record and for Halloween, they painstakingly carved Miss Piggy and Kermit
Jack-O-Lanterns for me. As I got closer to adolescence, my parents’ marriage
unraveled, and my dad started spending a lot of time elsewhere. He’d worked his
way up to Maitre D at the hotel, which was good, but he worked nights,
weekends, and holidays my whole childhood. There’s a lot I wish I could’ve
learned from him. People respected him. My mom went to college as they were
getting divorced, and she raised my sister and me as she got her bachelors, and
her masters, and then started teaching English as a second language. When I came
out as gay in my late teens, both of my parents were very supportive, though.
They’re good people. Now that I’m an adult, I can see what qualities of my own
come from them. For better or for worse I’m their creation in many ways.
Louie: You invited me to one of your stand-up performances and you were fuckin’ hilarious. Have you always known
you were going to be a comedian?
Alejandro: I didn’t always know I would be a comedian,
but I did always know I would be an artist, and I’ve always loved comedy.
Self-knowledge is harder to come by than some people think. The only thing I’ve
really ever known from the beginning is that I’m not like other people, and the
rest of my life has been about trying to find my place in the world. What I
love about comedy is that it gives people the freedom to talk about what this
life is really like.
Alejandro Morales, Philadelphia by way of Ellenville, New York
Interviewed and Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca