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Louie: So tell me a little about yourself.

Derec: I was born in Colombia and I came to the US when I was one years old. I was adopted and I have two white parents. I grew up in Chicago, Humboldt Park area. Then we moved to Philly. My parents are involved with urban ministries. They came to Philly when I was a sophomore in high school to do some ministry work here. They have been doing it all of their lives. They still do it. They have worked with kids and communities and families. It’s really grassroots organizing.

Louie: What was that like for you growing up?

Derec: It was good. Overall my childhood was very good. I was always known that I was adopted. My parents made me aware of my culture as a Colombian. We were a close family. I struggle sometimes with my Latino identity because I am not bilingual. I feel disconnected sometimes. But I have been able to go back to Colombia a few times and that’s been helpful. I wasn’t able to visit family but I was able to visit the orphanage that I came out of. Now the orphanage is now an elementary school. The school now models the same kind of work my parents do. Its very community based. I still had questions because I wasn’t sure exactly where in Colombia I was born. So one of the ladies at the orphanage, who was there when I was there as child, because of her, I was able to go on a local radio station to be interviewed and then asked their listeners to call if they had any information. A TV show even came to orphanage to interview me. I just said “Mom, if you are out there, I hope you are doing well.” I would probably burst out crying if I met my birth mom and dad. It would be surreal.

Louie: Wow. thank you for sharing that. Now you work in adoptions and with families, right?

Derec: I was adopted and it just so happened that I got into adoption and social work by happy stance. It wasn’t until my job when I was working in foster care that I moved into adoption work. It just happened. It’ stressful at times but it is gratifying. I am learning new things about people, about me, about society. The main thing is that I want the best for kids and families.
Louie: What was the toughest thing to deal with as kid growing up?
Derec: I always felt different as a kid. I always knew that part of me and I knew that was something my parents would not accept or be open to. I didn’t come “out” to them. I was forced “out.” I told someone in my church thinking it was in confidence because I actually attracted to this person and instead of him keeping it to himself; he said that he needed to tell leadership. I was like “hello, that’s my father!” This was my senior year of college and that summer was hard. They were like “we’re gonna get you help.” That was their response. I was revered highly prior to that. I was really involved with the church and then my father said that I couldn’t do certain things. That created an awful feeling in me. But once I was forced “out,” (the “closet”) to my family, that was it; there was no going back in. 

Louie: So are things now with your family?

Derec: Fast forward 25 years, I am a loner. I’m happy overall. I’m still close to my family but when it comes to my sexuality, it’s still hush-hush. We don’t talk much about it. I do go to openly gay church that helps a lot with my faith. I turn to prayer for everything. It keeps me grounded. It allows me to learn how to love. It gives me encouragement.

Derec Baker-Gutierrez, Philadelphia

Interviewed & Photoghraphed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

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resurrections are real. to all of the varones who once lied on hospital beds with a sinking t-cell count counting the minutes until you could hold down down your food. to all of the varones who avoided looking into mirrors because the sunken face...

resurrections are real.

to all of the varones who once lied on hospital beds with a sinking t-cell count counting the minutes until you could hold down down your food.

to all of the varones who avoided looking into mirrors because the sunken face reflection did not reflect the beauty you behold.

to all of the varones who pieced themselves back together piece by piece after the violence of stigma left them broken and beat. to all the varones who survive life by surviving one night at a muthafuggin’ time.

we salute you.

we praise you.

because even AIDS, stigma, homophobia, racism, white supremacy, and oppression can’t keep us from rising. and when we become ancestors, we will continue rise in the voices of those who speak our names without shame.

so keep rising varones because resurrections are real.

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Anthony: Are you from Orlando? Alejandro: I grew up like, I jumped from place to place. I was born in Mayagüez (Puerto Rico) then I moved over here. I was raised a lot between here and Altamonte Springs and here (Orlando.) Then I moved to Philly,...

Anthony: Are you from Orlando? 

Alejandro: I grew up like, I jumped from place to place. I was born in Mayagüez (Puerto Rico) then I moved over here. I was raised a lot between here and Altamonte Springs and here (Orlando.) Then I moved to Philly, Jersey, New York – shit like that. I just bounced around a lot. My mom considers herself a gypsy. So she never wanted to stay in one place. 

Anthony: Do you have any siblings? 

Alejandro: I have my older sister from my mom and then I had my two adopted brothers; their my primos and hermanos. They live with their father now. My sister is grown and I am the only one still with my mom. 

Anthony: How long have you been dancing at Parliament House? 

Alejandro: For like four months. I like it a lot. I like the atmosphere. It’s always turned up. Even if it’s dead there is always a few people here. It’s not as crazy as it used to be. I like Parliament house now it’s more calm its not a lot of people trying to fight and shit. 

Anthony: Which room is the best room to dance in? 

Alejandro: The best money is made in the middle room because that is where everyone is going in and out but I switch rooms. I like to dance to different kinds of music. Whenever it’s Latino night, I like being on my side because of the salsa and merengue. Anthony: How has the environment been here after Pulse? Alejandro: A lot people are scared to come out now and it sucks because when you let people like that change the way you love your life freely, they win. We as a people, we have to look out for each other. We all need to stop doing the bochinche, stop trying to be on some bullshit and some drama. We all need to stand together as a people especially everything we have been through growing up. Everyone is against us so why not stand together? 

Anthony: What is a lesson you have learned that you want other varones to know? 

Alejandro: Sometimes you may go through when you’re younger but don’t never let that change you. When I was growing up, I used to get jumped like five times a day. And I used to go home crying, “Mommy, I don’t understand why these people are going against me.” And now I understand that a lot of was – it wasn’t just because I was gay – it was the fact that I wasn’t proud of who I am You need to be proud of who you are and love yourself before you can expect anyone to accept you for who you are. At the end of the day, don’t no one’s opinion matters except the one above – and he doesn’t even judge me, he blesses me everyday. You could have as much faith as you want but work comes with it. I just cant sit here and pray to him every day and hope that he takes care of me, yes, you could put everything in his hands but you gotta work for what you want. 

Anthony: When did you learn this lesson? 

Alejandro: After my car accident, I was tired. It was in 2012, I was crossing the street and there was person trying to beat the red light and he ran me and friend over. I spent three months in the hospital. I didn’t have health insurance so I couldn’t go to physical therapy but I taught myself how to walk again. I forced myself to prove them wrong. They said that I was never gonna walk and look at me now – I’m shaking my ass for money. 

Alejandro, Orlando 

Interviewed by: Anthony Leon 

Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

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Originally posted by jet1282

to the activist varones who get asked “why do you keep fighting?”

say “because this is world is ours!”

to the fem varones who get asked “why do you switch and dress the way you do?”

say “because this is world is ours!”

to the hood varones who get asked “why you gotta be so hood?”

say “because this is world is ours!”

to the sex positive varones who get asked “why you gotta talk about fuckin’ so openly - all the time?

say "because this is world is ours!”

to the HIV positive varones who get asked “why you ain’t ashamed?

say "because this is world is ours!”

this world is yours varones. fuck anyone who dares to make you feel small, invisible or out of place. you belong here, right now, just as you are in this moment.

this world is yours too. this world is ours.

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yesterday, we shared time and space with a collective who were brought together after the pulse massacre. a group of latinx, boricuas and allies who with very little resources spend every saturday night strategizing ways to lift the voices of the queer Latinx community here in Orlando.

while driving to interview someone for the project earlier today , anthony said “if you would have told me three years ago that we would be doing gran varones work in orlando, i would not have believed you.” i agreed because i remember not being sure if people would even follow the project on instagram. but here we are - in an another city several states away doing our passion work in partnership QLatinx, a group of passionate latinx queer Orlando community members who meet every Saturday night to strategize ways to lift the voices and visibility of LGBTQ+ latinxs.

we invite you to check out QLatinx especially if you are in the Orlando area. there is so much power in projects that are built by the people for the people. we know this because our gran varones trip to Orlando would not have been possible without grassroots community support. like anthony, i had no way of imagining that when we created gran varones three years ago in my office that we would have the opportunity to meet, work, and build with so many magical warriors.

this work isn’t easy. this work will break your heart. but this work is necessary. it is in this work that healing is found and where possibility is created. and sometimes that is all we have to sustain ourselves until tomorrow.

- louie a. ortiz-fonseca

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he said “there are rainbows everywhere.” i looked around and saw that we were in fact surrounded by rainbows. the site of the bright colors is moving…at first but then you remember these rainbows are not because rain but because immense lost and pain.

i met at angel a few years back when gran varones was still an idea in development. he was one of the first varones i reached out to but the timing just wasn’t right. he asked to me reach out to him at a later time. i promised that i would.

a few weeks ago, i reached out to him. he moved to orlando last october and i was committed to keeping my promise. especially now.

yesterday, after landing in orlando, angel and i met for dinner. the connection was natural. the laughs flowed easily and freely. he told me about his new life in orlando and how he has been adapting. i listened and shared how much i try to avoid orlando because this is where my family lives. he laughed. i laughed.

he asked me “do you wanna go for a ride. i can show you downtown orlando.” i had time to pass before my GV team arrived in orlando so i said “let’s roll.” after about 15 minutes of driving and the car stopped and he looked over and said “pulse is around this corner. i want to go to the memorial. i haven’t been back there since that night. i feel like i can do it right now with someone as strong as you. will you go with me?” i immediately replied, “yes. of course.” i had two seconds to prepare my heart.

we walked over and were immediately greeted by a mother offering hugs. i gotta say, that hug sustained me because there were moments that my knees felt as if they would give way at any moment.

angel walked slowly and quietly. he began to tell me details of the people he knew and knew of. he told me about the varòn gamer and pointed to the game that a friend had left at the memorial by a picture. he talked and i listened. somehow his talking, his recounting of histories provided me a foundation in which to stand on so that i could stand with him.

angel, looking back less just than 24 hours later, i realized that i could not have made this visit to the pulse memorial without someone as strong as you. thank you for saying their names. thank you for sharing your survival with me. i love you.

- louie a. ortiz-fonseca

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Originally posted by ch-r-o-m-e

“1916/2016”

sometimes, often enough
i feel that i will come undone
beneath the weight of a million eyes
watching gardens of strange fruit on repeat
my hands are heavy with grief
and the hope i worked so hard to build
that once filled my lungs
today, all fell away at the bone
my heart is set ablaze with rage
that i can no longer tone
the way we did while we ran
across a promised land
where white sheets roamed.

sometimes, often enough
i speak your names into the skies
and wait for any kind of reply in the wind
we ask ourselves again
what’s left after truth?
just proof spilled on pavements
our patience outlined by chalk
as we continue to walk
in the the fields alone
where white sheets continue to roam.

the moon in full bloom
stood perfectly balanced
behind the wondrous wings
mommy imagined you possessed
as she watched you swing
my wailing pain became a quiet ache
and the smile that broke across her face
told me of a story
of the tracks she traced
to get to this very place
where we now stand firm
soaked in blood and tears
and ready to burn
all of the fields where white sheets roam.

louie a. ortiz-fonseca

write. create. rage. be angry. smoke. drink. laugh. cry. march. post. take care of yourself and each other.

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right here, right now, we must love each other unconditionally. why? because NO ONE else does. to some, we are lovable if we are not fem, if we are not fat, if we are “woke”, if we are masc.we can disagree, we can fight, we can be wrong and we can be right. but varones, we need all of ourselves to free ourselves. all of us.

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Louie: Finally! We got to meet. Why did you choose this area?

Joemar: Because I grew up around here. This is my hood! They know me. I used to sit on those steps and chill. Everyone knows me and knows that I chill.

Louie: Do you miss it?

Joemar: Yeah. I miss my hood and I miss all my friends. I have seen some of my friends on Gran Varones. I’m in love with your work.

Louie: Wow. Thank you.That means a lot to me.

Joemar: Yeah, You know a lot of peoples that I do. I was like “Look at Gio! He is my heart.” I just called him because I know he is back from Florida.

Louie: Yeah. He is my cousin.

Joemar: For real? He is my heart. I also saw people from my Travesuda days.

Louie: I only went to that club once. I loved that it was for Latinos.

Joemar: It was poppin’! I had my birthday party there with all of my angels. Too bad it came to an end. Anyway, I can’t wait to see my picture. Gran Varones!

Joemar Cruz, Philadelphia

Interviewed & Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

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“Yo no nací en Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico nació en mi.”

“I wasn’t born in Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico was born in me.”

- Mariposa

dear tío rubèn blades:

what up homie? so i read your interview on variety latino. your comments about the role latinos play in the current political landscape were both insightful (i am always learning from you) and hella fucked up (i learned something new about what you think about boricuas born and raised on the mainland.)
here is an except of the interview:

Variety: What role do Latinos have in what is currently happening in politics?

Ruben: Look, I am not an American citizen, I am a legal resident and residents do not allow us to vote. Yes, they want my taxes, but I can not vote. That’s the difference between a Latin American like me who resides in the United States, and people who are sons and daughters of immigrants in the United States.

this response speaks so much truth and highlights the complexities of latino identity in america. pero tío, i gotta say that you should have just stopped there but you didn’t. you went on to say:

“When Jennifer Lopez says that she is Latina, I say, ‘No, she’s from New York’, she’s as American as Trump. …You do not walk around saying that [Robert] De Niro’s Italian … Marc Anthony also, he was born in New York. There is a difference.”

SERIOUSLY!!! surely, you could have continued to make your point about the complexities of latino identity without minimizing and chipping away at the identity of boricuas, specifically a boricua woman. THAT SHIT MAKES YOU LOOK HELLA SEXIST HOMIE. to be fair, you did the same minimizing of marc anthony (who is also boricua) but you didn’t compare his identity to trump. I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE PATIENCE TO UNWRAP THE TRUMP COMPARISON because it’s friday and i am just tryna chill and drink until i blackout. but really tío? it’s like that homie? man, if you had compared the late and great selena, who was also born and raised in america and spoke limited spanish, you would have had to delete your twitter account by 8am this morning because baby, you would have read for filth!

now let me tell you why your points are hella offensive - to me at least, as a boricua. i have been in more than enough spaces with non-boricua/non-carrieban latinos, who came at my neck about because i wasn’t “latino” enough because boricuas have it “easier” than other latinos. I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT TRUE but again, it’s friday and blah, blah, blah. i have also had non-carrieban latinos make fun of not just my ability to speak spanish but how all boricuas speak spanish. i imagine that this is not a surprise to you. i know that it doesn’t. you were just trippin’ yesterday.

because i love, honor and respect you and your legacy, i am gonna chalk this up to those moments when we all have when we speak faster than our brains can formulate, process and check our biases. we all have those moments and it is vital that friends, comrades and familia hold us with live while holding us accountable. this letter is just exactly that. but tío, let me also remind you and the other non-carribean latinos who stay minimizing the identity of boricuas…being boricua runs through my veins, it is in my heart and shows up in my warrior spirit so don’t come for us.

in solidarity,

louie a. ortiz-fonseca

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so former first lady nancy reagan passed away and folks were posting left and right how wicked nancy reagan was for having once turned her back on her good friend rock hudson as he lied dying to complications of HIV. apparently, it has been a slow day because people who consider themselves advocates for those living with HIV were pissed that this happened.

ok, let us to try understand this. nancy reagan, miss say “just say no”, who created the national “just say no to drugs” campaign that helped to usher in the zero-tolerance policies that laid the foundation for the school-to-prison pipeline that has impacted millions of young black and latino students, is monster because she ignored the pleas of a white and wealthy socialite?

nancy, a woman who is celebrated for fierce loyalty to her husband. nancy, the wife of the president that watched as AIDS ravaged communities and did absolutely NOTHING to stop it? a president that was committed to preventing others from doing shit to stop it? the president who’s legacy is the deaths of thousands upon thousands of people? knowing this - we are supposed to be mad and enraged that she and the president ignored the pleas of a dying hudson? chyle, are we as HIV advocates that desperate for something to be mad at? seriously, are we mad because a privileged white, rich and affluent gay man could not use his privilege to access care that many in our communities could never and DID NOT get? would we be celebrating miss nancy if she DID NOT turn her back on him while black and latino communities were left to their own devices? y'all straight trippin’ boo!

miss nancy did exactly what the US government did in 1985 - ignored people living with and dying from AIDS. she was only keeping it real and was like “rocky, gurl, you ain’t hear? i just say no. so, about that request of yours…chyle, why you playin’ we don’t do that. we don’t do anything!”

no one should have had to die - no one. it is 2016 and we are still fighting for varones to get adequate care to manage their HIV. so the shame, fear and helplessness that rock must have no doubt experienced is something that NO ONE should have to ever go through. the fact that people still do should been at pisses us not the how miss nancy turned her back.

y'all need something to be mad at? peep the latest CDC HIV statistics and how the larger lgbtq organizations continue to turn their backs on trans women, black and latino men living with HIV.

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OUR TONGUES ARE UNTIED

for years, black and latino gay men and men who have sex with men have been ringing the alarm on how HIV has been ravaging our communities. we have consistently been asked “where are the statistics? where are the numbers? where is the proof?” of course, our lives and experiences were never enough. we needed a government study to tell us what we already know. yesterday the proof arrived. are we surprised? fuck no! but that does not take the sting away.

according to a new CDC study, 1 in 2 black gay men and 1 in 4 latino gay men will become HIV-positive if the current rate of infection continues. this shit means that black and latino gay men are more likely to contract HIV than white gay men. but again, we have already known this – for years!

since the release of this report, there been a few articles shining light on this and rightfully so. unfortunately,  most have them failed to include the voice and perspective of latino gay men. this cannot continue. just because an advocate says “gay men of color” does not give them permission to speak for us – we have our own god damn voice. to prove this fact, here are the responses of latino gay/queer* men to the CDC report. our tongues are untied.

“The thing that pisses me off is that I never get to read that study. Broad public health initiatives obviously help for reasons that, I bet, are less obvious. But here’s the kicker: whatever the result of *that* study, we can act on that information. What the hell am I supposed to do with the information that one in four gay Latinos are going to contract HIV? Stop being gay? Stop being Latino?”

Eddie Santiago Beck – Miami, Florida


“But yet people are getting black/brown $$$$’s to serve our community and all we see is increases in their salaries. I need federal and state funders to get up and pay attention. You can’t give money to an all white organization and expect them to step out their comfort zone (the office) and enter the ‘hood to talk to black/brown lives and hope they understand. Organizations can’t plaster white faces on programs that are meant to serve black/brown lives and hope they can get through to them. What does it look like a white individual walking through heart of North and West Philly and there first words are “HIV TEST.” My apologies, some people will never understand the culture differences. Start putting them millions of dollars back into the community and begin to build relationships within the community. I was taught that you never go to a gathering empty handed. There are bigger issues than an HIV test, like shelter, food, clothing and so much more.”

Luis Berrios, Philadelphia


“Like, “look! We’ve discovered this disparity! Just giving you a heads up!” But are they gonna fund programs specific to us?  Lead by us?  Designed by us?  With faces that look like us so our general public will give a fuck? Wtf is actually going on though? Are we surprised? We’ve been telling people, usually white, that we’ve been in danger. This is fucking staggering. Half y’all, HALF, of black “MSM” projected to be diagnosed in their life time. And A WHOLE ENTIRE QUARTER of Latinos. I’m left to wonder where our Afro-Latino family falls.”

Ayden Castellanos - Rio Grande Valley, Texas


“Each community has a unique experience and we need to engaged in those communities and those disproportionately impacted by HIV. 1 out of 4 Latino gay men will be diagnosis with HIV in their lifetime. We need to assure inclusion at all levels with engagement strategies tailored to those unique needs and the reality we face as Latino gay men living in America.”

Richard LaBoy – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


“The CDC is always making vast statistics about black and Latino men. But what pisses me off more is that they don’t fuckin aid in the fight to end the rising numbers. How many proposals, or research projects does the CDC need to show that we aren’t receiving the same amount of care and attention that is needed? Why is the CDC and AACO funding these organizations that aren’t doing a damn thing for us until it is too late? Why are we celebrating the accomplishments of individuals who have stated they won’t go into North Philly or test Latinos because of a simple solution to a language barrier problem? It’s fuckin ridiculous! Most researched never have never stepped into the ‘hood. They never do the ground work but they can sit in their offices creating statistics.”

Xander Lopez, – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


“Someone posted the picture of the CDC Report on Instagram and he asked for thoughts and a lot of people gave heated and emotional responses. Well, one guy put a great comment that sticks in my mind when I hear these statistics. He said something to the affect about how we should not just get pissed at the connotations in the statistics but use it as a driving forces to create a better society for ourselves. One in which we feel free to discuss openly about HIV with our partners, family, and communities without fear and stigma because that in the end will bring those rates down. That stays with me.”

Anthony Leon – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 


“These statistics DO NOT mean that we have failed ourselves. These statistics mean that the system and prevention services have FAILED us. We Latino and Afro-Latino gay men are NOT “hard to reach.” We are reaching out to each other, building community and providing whatever support needed to sustain ourselves - and with very little and limited resources.”

Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca, Washington, DC

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