the year was 1982.

new york began the year as one of the most dangerous cities in the united states with a record 637,451 reported felonies by the end of 1981.one year into what is now known as the AIDS epidemic but before the urging of activists during a july 27 meeting a new york to adopt the term “AIDS”, much of the media, researchers and medical providers called it “GRID (gay related immune deficiency syndrome,” “the gay plague” or “gay cancer.” the city’s underground club begins emerge into the pop consciousness after the release of madonna’s debut single “everybody” becomes a club hit. however, new york’s gay clubs are still under siege by the city’s police who still routinely raid clubs. on the night of september 1982, the NYPD violently raided blues, a manhattan gay club primarily patronized by black and latino queers and trans folks. police locked the doors and beat patrons for more than an hour sending 35 club-goers to the hospital. police were never charged.

this is the new york that hector valle, a 22 year-old vibrant puerto rican gay man with a flair for style, existed in. hector was widely known throughout the community and dance clubs for his elegant and athletic style of vogue. while not formally a part of any ballroom house hector was enchanted by new york’s growing ballroom scene, and made the bold decision to start his own house – the house of extravaganza (original spelling until 1989). hector set out to recruit members from the pre-gentrified christopher street pier from the legendary queer dance utopia, paradise garage which would helped inform the xtravanganza culture. one of the first official xtravaganzas included a young puerto rican trans woman who later become an icon in her own right – angie xtravaganza.

the house of xtravaganza made their debut in 1983 and under the leadership and guidance of hector and angie, who served as house mother and father, the then not-so-experienced house quickly emerged as one of the most exciting new houses on the scene. as their popularity expanded, the xtravaganzas became a fiercely close family on and off the runway. hector’s pioneering vision was in full fruition.

in just two years, new york was rapidly becoming a different place. gentrification was beginning to change the landscape of new york’s nightlife and culture. madonna had emerged from the underground scene and was reaching pop icon status after the release of her 1984 sophomore album, “like a virgin.” And after the protest of black and latino LGBTQIA people and allies The NYPD was no longer raiding gay clubs but in the fever hystreria of AIDS panic has begun to close bathhouses. And by the end of 1985, AIDS had claimed over 5,000 people including the pioneering hector valle xtravaganza. hector was just 25 years old.

the house that hector built would continue under the leadership of angie xtravaganza until her own death in 1993 at the young of age of 28. by the late 1980’s, the house broke into the mainstream appearing in both time and american vogue magazines. the house was also prominently featured in the 1990 groundbreaking documentary film “paris is burning.” and two of the xtravaganza children, josé and luis xtravaganza rocketed to international stardom as dancers for the madonna, the singer who started her career the same year the xtravaganza was founded.

almost 40 years later, hector’s vision remains stronger than ever. the house of xtravaganza continues to be one of the most influential and iconic houses in ballroom history. one of the first houses to incorporate HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment messaging into their mission and vision, the legacy of founding father hector valle xtravaganza still shines. and for someone known for his flair, this makes perfect sense.

About two week ago, I did the very rare thing of going live on Instagram. I asked my comrade and my good, good gurlfriend Abdul-Aliy Muhammad to join me as we discussed “How to Survive A Plague…Again.” For about an hour and a half, Abdul and I talked about what it was like to live through the AIDS epidemic as it was in the 1990s. We shared stories about bearing witness as our mothers navigate and provide support to those living and dying during a time when Black and Brown communities were left to their own devices. As a few dozen viewers watched and engaged with our Instagram chat, we shared how we were coping with the current COVID-19 pandemic and how we can honor and look to the work of poz activists of the past who created an organizing, mobilizing and survival guide for people surviving a plague. We landed on the Denver Principles.

So to continue that conversation and to honor the requests of several viewers who joined us during that chat,  here is Abdul-Aliy giving a brief history of the Denver Principles and how, 30 years later, the principles are still relevant.

The Denver Principles is a radical document, its contents fit on one page, but the words are sublime and pointed. The drafters of the principles stormed the National Lesbian and Gay Health Conference, which took place in June 1983. This conference, held in Denver, Colorado, would host the Second National AIDS Forum. At the closing presentation of the forum, Richard Berkowitz led the unrolling of a banner that read “Fighting For Our Lives” and read their declaration: “We condemn attempts to label us victims” that “implies defeat” and suggests that we are helpless. “We are People With AIDS” demanding support and not a “scapegoat” to “blame” for “the epidemic or generalize about our lifestyles.” The crux of this declaration was to make clear that autonomy is still resident in our bodies, that we have the right “as full and satisfying  sexual and emotional lives as anyone else.” These words at a time when oppressive messaging told HIV positive people that they could no longer be fully seen as human because they seroconverted.

“Any revolution of the body owes its indebtedness to many enslaved people who found themselves at the behest of white supremacist structures of control, experimentation and intentional infection, such as the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment.”

These principles changed the relationship between medical provider and patient, expertise and care were held by both the AIDS patient and doctor. It was a bold repudiation of paternalism and showed the variance between those impacted by the disease and the ever present judgment of caregivers.  Berkowitz and Michael Cullen went on to pen “How To Have Sex In An Epidemic” stating that “sex doesn’t make you sick, diseases do” and offering examples of how to contain STIs from a “closed circle of fuck buddies” to “jerk off clubs” in what became truly iconic writing. Any revolution of the body owes its indebtedness to many enslaved people who found themselves at the behest of white supremacist structures of control, experimentation and intentional infection, such as the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment.

Today we face an unprecedented strain on the already inadequate and anti-black U.S. healthcare infrastructure. This problem, coupled with a president that seems to be wearing no clothes, makes for a deadly combination. The rationing of care to those who have severe symptoms, which is discriminatory, is already happening. In Alabama, POZ reports that the state’s “pandemic guidelines recommend winnowing out people with certain medical conditions” including AIDS. Black women are being told that they aren’t a priority for COVID-19 testing and then later dying of the disease. Recent data reveals that COVID-19 is killing Black people  in large numbers. 70 percent of COVID-19-related deaths in Chicago are of Black people. This is being reflected in New Orleans and Milwaukie.

This means that organizing around something that models the Denver Principles would be just as needed now as it was then. A nation in crisis will seek to allocate resources to those deemed desirable by the system. This means that communities who are already stigmatized, marginalized, and given shoddy medical care will be the most vulnerable. Elderly, immunocompromised, and houseless people will be ravaged by COVI-19 without movements organized to ensure they will receive the care they deserve. Incarcerated people are also at a higher risk for sickness due to the lack of sufficient sanitation behind bars. I think we should be demanding the following:

1. Free and adequate healthcare that allows everyone the ability to fight for their lives.
2. Care that isn’t rationed, withheld, or denied.
3. The right to resuscitation and that DNRs (Do Not Resuscitate orders) aren’t universally applied.

Abdul-Aliy A. Muhammad is a poz organizer and writer from Philadelphia.

last august, hydeia broadbent celebrated her 35th birthday. this wasn’t just a milestone but a testament to the sheer determination of life and hope.

diagnosed with hiv at three years old, hydeia was not expected to survive past age five. and in 1987, years almost a decade before the breakthrough of hiv treatment, this prognosis was pretty accurate for children battling the opportunistic infections brought on by HIV. hydeia’s mother immediately became a fierce advocate and enrolled hydeia into clinical trials with the hopes of prolonging her life. and no easy feet during especially during a time when hiv clinical trials did not include women, young people and people of color. 

a chance meeting with the late hiv advocate elizabeth glaser in 1988 at the national institutes of health, where they were both receiving treatment, led to hydeia becoming a public speaker. after telling her story across the world including on a tv special for nickelodeon with magic johnson, 20/20, good morning america and becoming one of the most memorable guests of the oprah winfrey show. at just age 10, hydeia had become the face of not just pediatric aids but the first generation of children born with hiv.

in the years since, hydeia has dedicated her life to promoting hiv prevention among young people, specifically young black women as well as advocating for accessible treatment and healthcare for all young people living with hiv.

today, on national youth hiv/aids awareness day, we honor and celebrate all of the work hydeia has done to center young people living with hiv. we thank hydeia broadbent for teaching us all the power of storytelling as a radical tactic for activism and advocacy.

“Any disease that is treated as a mystery and acutely enough feared will be felt to be morally, if not literally, contagious.”

Susan Sontag, Illness As Metaphor

In December of 2019, a virus emerged in Wuhan, the capital city of the Hubei Province, located in China. This novel coronavirus was now beginning to infect, sicken and kill people. This stirred global pandamonium, rooted in anti-asian racism, prejudice and xenophobia. As the world began to construct narratives of how this emerged, coronavirus was steadily building up its network, and infecting many globally. Scientists point to a species jump, from animals to humans. This is the trajectory of many viruses we know of, such as HIV. It was named COVID-19 by the World Health Organization on February 11, 2020, meaning coronavirus disease and tagged with nineteen to establish that it surfaced in 2019. Interestingly enough, a simulation of a pandemic caused by a “novel zoonotic coronavirus” was held by the Center For Health Security, in October 2019. The scenario suggested that this virus would be “transmitted from bats to pigs to people that eventually becomes efficiently transmissible from person to person, leading to a severe pandemic.” In this simulation, the origin of the virus were pig farms in Brazil, but the accuracy of this exercise provides eerie foreboding.

Sars-CoV-2, the virus that causes the disease COVID-19, sounds familiar because it is in the family of viruses that caused the 2003 Sars Outbreak. This current outbreak was not quelled in the same way and now is identified as a pandemic, which means it is spreading rapidly, globally.

HIV history reminds us of another time of panic and uncertainty. HIV is transmitted by blood, seminal and vaginal fluid; anal fluid and breast milk, that enters the bloodstream through mucousal tissue and/or other ways. Sars-CoV-2 appears to spread by oral or nose droplets, aerosol and surfaces touched by hands, or indirectly sprayed by the droplets of those infected. This makes COVID-19 more contagious than HIV. It has been proven by the exponential infection rates growth around the world. Yet many people are committed to believing the racist notion that it is an “Asian” virus.

HIV first infected a young Black boy in St. Louis named Robert Rayford, who may have been the first person documented in the U.S. to die of AIDS. A reporter first talked about Robert in a Chicago Tribune article in 1987. HIV clocked the world’s collective consciousness on June 5, 1981 when the CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR) reported 5 cases of pneumocystis pneumonia among previously healthy “homosexuals” in Los Angeles. This lit a storm of hatefulness on the marginalized gay community and AIDS, which was once called the “Gay Related Immune Deficiency” became the juggernaut that leveled whole queer communities. Many beautiful people perished and there are still many dying silently of AIDS, even today.

Ronald Reagan, a republican, was president of the United States when HIV attacked and Donald Trump is currently a republican president during the coronavirus pandemic. Both are adherants to white supremacist frameworks of government, with Reagan concerned with trickle down economics and the war on drugs, a failure that lead to the mass incarceration of Black and brown folks, another enemy to HIV positive people. Historically, Reagan slowly dragged his feet during this public health crisis as many buried their loved ones. Trump, concerned with faux nationalism, currently uses his law and order rhetoric to galvanize white working class people against organized foes: One week it’s Black people in Chicago, the next Muslims, and lately it is China. By moving his target, it allows for a never ending list of the made up culprits of his imagined war that has devastating material impacts on communities he named as public enemies.

Reagan ignored the crisis, a top official laughed at AIDS and ACT UP fought back, organizing radical direct actions, throwing ashes on the white house lawn during the first Bush’s Presidency, holding public funerals, making trauma actionable and blowing lids off of hypocrisy, inaction and the violence of indifference. Reagan’s nonresponse was like Trump’s passive and deflecting response, both men, white and Presidents ravaged communities by either shifting blame, turning their backs or escalating fears by creating an enemy to point to. In Reagan’s day it was the gays and Trump’s enemy is China. Proving that white supremacy is the true parallel.

Like ACT UP, formations of other gay men came together as People With AIDS. Communities of the dying: the faggots, the transwomen and the sex workers took to the streets, collected medicines at home and shared knowledge to get us through an epidemic. We were held by a loving community of lesbians, radical doctors and unapologetic drag queens. We brazed through losing many while saving our souls and preserving our histories with undying collective work. We are always the answer we are searching for. Powerful, even when we are down, shining a light on the wrongs of humanity.

Abdul-Aliy A. Muhammad is a poz organizer and writer from Philadelphia.

in 1990, madonna was arguably the most popular and consistent pop artist on the planet. at the time, she had already sold millions upon millions of records and amassed an astounding 17 consecutive top 10 singles. sixteen of the singles reached top 5 including 7 number ones on the billboard hot 100. madonna was a decade into her recording career and with the release of a surprise single, she was about to enter another imperial phase of her career.

madonna was still actively promoting her 1989 album “like a prayer” in the spring of 1990. in fact, the album’s fifth and final single, “keep it together” was still in the top 20 of the hot 100 after peaking at #10 in march of 1990. but a chance meeting with luis and jose xtravaganza of the legendary house of xtravaganza would inspire the creation of a song that became one the biggest culture moments of 1990.

released on march 27, 1990, “vogue” quickly became the most successful single of madonna’s career selling 6 million copies worldwide and reaching #1 in over 30 countries, including topping the us hit 100 in may of 1990. jose and luis not only served as lead choreographers, they were prominently featured in the “vogue” music video. it was through madonna’s and producer shep pettibone’s deep house track that the two xtravaganzas provided a glimpse of black and latinx ballroom culture in the accompanying music video that mainstream america had not yet seen.

since it’s release, the black queer and trans created art form of voguing has re-emerged in the mainstream via shows like “rupaul’s drag race,” the vice docu-series “my house” and most notably, the ever popular and critically acclaimed fx show, “pose.” in fact, the 1990 release and cultural impact of madonna’s “vogue” was a story arc across several episodes of the second season of “pose.”

so here we are 30 years after the release of one of pop music’s most commercially and culturally successful songs by one of pop’s most polarizing figures. i can attest to all of this because i was around to witness most of it. i have a clear memory of watching the teasers for “vogue’s” world premiere on mtv. i remember being in awe by the video’s imagery and wondering to myself, “is that a titty?”. i knew i was watching something so queer at a time when all things gay were associated to deviancy, aids and death. i also remember learning the choreography and showing it off to my aunt who quickly responded, “don’t you think those moves are kinda gay?” i didn’t respond but internally i was like, “bitch, duh!”

https://youtu.be/GuJQSAiODqI

so in celebration of the “vogue’s” 30th anniversary, i wanted to ask a few friends around my grown and sexy age what they remember about the song. i asked my good friend, fellow queer historian and longtime madonna fan, juan, peter, who has long history in the philadelphia ballroom including being a member of the house of africa and my former mentor and former father of the house of ferraramo, kwame to share their memories of “vogue.”

louie: do you remember when you first heard “vogue”?

JUAN: i was in 5th or 6th grade when i first heard madonna’s vogue. that song was everywhere but it never really appealed to me. it didn’t really hit me till i was 14 and went to my first gay club, arena in hollywood, ca. the “older guys” i met through that scene – about 18-20 years old but at the time they seemed very adult – showed my friends and i what vogue was. i never really connected to the song till i saw live vogueing at arena. around that age, i also saw the “blonde ambition” tour broadcast on hbo, that whole thing became my obsession and my entry into queer culture. later in high school, a counselor in my lgbt support group showed us “paris is burning” and everything felt complete. being a madonna fan back then, when aids was still at the forefront of the lgbt community, being a madonna fan was code. now that i think about it, the song became a hit at the time that i came out and went to my first gay club.

KWAME: i think it was the world premiere of the video on mtv. if i had heard it before it wasn’t as exciting as waiting to see the visual.

louie: what were your initial thoughts about the song? about the video?

PETER: my initial thoughts about “vogue” when i first heard it, i was in delaware. i was hyped! i like “oh look, its gonna be on tv and there’s gonna be a video.” i was hype because voguing was coming out to the mainstream.

JUAN: i didn’t really care for the song. i still don’t. for some reason, i’ve always known all the lyrics so it definitely made an impression. the video was cool because her dancers were hot, and “fancy,” they were being sexualized in a way that was empowering to their nuanced body language. i would argue that without that specific group of dancers, that era in her career wouldn’t have been as exciting. the mtv awards performance where she lip-synced in marie antoinette drag was way more exciting than the video. when i hear the song, it just doesn’t process or register the way vogue and ball culture does. i was a madonna fanatic for decades, and in some ways still am, but that song isn’t my favorite. it does carry strong memories of coming out to my friends and a type of nostalgic, youthful freedom and for that i appreciate it. i remember when the club kids were on geraldo and they played vogue during an intro and they all gave geraldo shit, like, “we don’t listen to that!” – that’s how i feel about it now.

louie: were you aware of voguing before the song’s release? what was your entry into the world of voguing?

PETER: oh yes, i was well aware of the whole ballroom scene and vogueing long before madonna. and i was already in philadelphia way before that song.

JUAN: my entry to vogue was simultaneous to the first time i went to gay club and i met trans sex workers, and gays in the party scene doing this thing from new york. i remember all the queens talking about new york, looking to new york, walking runways on dancefloors and trying to vogue. the origins of vogue were unknown till a few years later when i was in high school. the song was also powerful in how it gave the working class access to “feel their fantasy.”

KWAME: yes, but I never walked before the song was released. i started walking (the category) later that year.

louie: how would you describe the impact of the song in 1990?

PETER: i think the impact was a lot for mainstream. because mainstream got to see what ballroom and voguing was because it had already existed for decades and it was interesting to see mainstream try to do it. really, really interesting.

KWAME: it (partnered with the release of “paris is burning”) brought visibility to the ballroom scene, and I think it helped create a dialogue that brought ballroom across the US in a big way. it definitely influenced choreography for a few years. although other artists (most notably, Jody Watley) had featured vogueing in some visual format before madonna, “vogue” became the anthem that made the dance a staple movement.

louie: how would you describe the song’s impact over the last 30 years?

JUAN: now we have the language to say she culturally appropriated an entire subculture (her career relied on it), we can say she exploited a whole community. that statement would not be wrong; but with vogue, she also highlighted a space and language that was entirely invisible and needed a lift. people were dying of aids, and tons of scared queer kids found joy in this song. in some ways it was a gift. rupaul’s “supermodel” (1992) could not have existed without vogue. deee-lite before that. underground club culture and dance music got a hand from this awkward single.

KWAME: for me, the power of the song waned as the visibility true ball culture rose. it’s a cute song about a dance, kinda like “the twist”. but i feel the video is ICONIC, and would even say her “live” performances (MTV awards; blond ambition tour) of the song are probably still entertaining. let me see… it’s one of those culture phenom moments, which is to be expected for madonna. and “vogue” is probably one of her three career defining songs!

PETER: i think after 30 years, madonna’s vogue has a small impact because ballroom has changed in the past 30 years, it has evolved. and it’s gone to different places with different songs from around the world, but it has a small part of the history.

there is no debating that “vogue” was a pop-culture moment in 1990 and like most things that are consumed by the american populous, the moment that madonna’s vogue ushered in didn’t last. however, the art form continued to thrive in the ballroom scene. so as we remember the impact of “vogue”, we must honor and raise up the black and brown queer and trans people from the new york ballroom scene who carried the beautiful art of vogueing before, during and after madonna’s cultural moment in 1990.

I have always tried to inform people what it life was like behind bars as a transgender latina and as an hiv positive trans latina. people think that we are supported and we are not. we have to survive on our own in there just like we have to when we are on the outside. It was hard to get medications and hormones. Prison staff treat trans women like shit. Other people like inmates see that and thinks it’s ok to treat you like shit too. So you have to fight for everything.

I am blessed because my family has always accepted me. My mother and my brothers and sisters have always supported me. This is the kind of love that I want everyone to know because it kept me alive. Family is important.

When I was released around 2004, I started working with Galaei, (an hiv org in philly), and doing condom outreach. I was able to help make difference because Trans women still need support around HIV. Trans women in prison still need us to advocate for them. We need to stand up for them. Trust me, I know.”

June Martinez, she/her

Philadelphia, Pa

Interviewed & Photographed by: louie a. ortiz-fonseca

it has been almost 20 years since the death of singer and prolific songwriter, kenny greene. sadly, his death was shrouded in hiv stigma and biphobia. .

kenny greene was the dynamic mastermind behind 90’s r&b trio INTRO. born in detroit, michigan, kenny, was inspired to put a trio together after meeting two other singers while serving in the army. after being discovered by dj eddie f in 1990, INTRO began to groom their sound.

kenny wrote and composed most of their 1993 self-titled debut album. the lead single “come inside” cracked the r&b top 10 and peaked at #33 on the hot 100.

with their blend of sultry melodies, new jack swing and early neo-soul sound, INTRO became one of the hottest r&b groups of the mid 1990’s. kenny’s voice so impressed stevie wonder that kenny was given blessing by stevie himself to cover “ribbon in the sky.” mr. wonder himself even appears in the video.

kenny teamed up with dave “jam” hall to create “love no limit” from mary j. blige’s iconic debut album “what’s the 411.” kenny’s songwriting skills were so celebrated that he was awarded the 1993 ASCAP songwriter of the year.

through-out the 90’s, kenny continued to write for other artists, including 98 degrees, tyrese, will smith, and cam'ron.

in a 2001 interview with the now defunct sister2sister magazine, kenny courageously disclosed that he was bisexual and he was battling complications brought on by HIV. he shared the pressures brought on by societal expectations that he present as both heterosexual and the alpha-male. while many privately applauded him for using his story to raise awareness, many publicly condemned him.

on oct. 1, 2001, kenny greene died in NYC. he was just 32 yrs old. 9/11 attacks, kenny’s death received little media coverage. and outlets that did cover his death, framed his death around the how bisexual men or men on the “DL” were a danger to women.

kenny’s wake was arranged by close friends. his family did not attend. kenny was honored by the US army and is buried at calverton national cemetery on long island.

kenny greene is not a household name although many households are probably jammin’ to his songs. he honor his life and legacy.

last week social media was abuzz with the “reports” that corona, the beer that i drink when i have too many long islands, was experiencing a financial hit because of the onset of the covid-19 (coronavirus). i wouldn’t be surprised if there was a small segment of the US population who were afraid of drinking corona because the fear around d covid-19, however, sales for the beer brand are actually up 5%. but if sale were down, it would not the be the first time a brand suffered because their name was the same of a pandemic.

ayds, pronounced exactly like AIDS, was a popular appetite suppressant in the 1970’s and early 1980’s. unfortunately, the products name, purpose and marketing strategy proved to be their undoing as the AIDS pandemic grew.

not only was ayds and AIDS phonetically identical, they were both associated with weight loss. however, while the diet supplement was used voluntary weight loss, the massive weight loss experienced by people with living with or dying from complications of AIDS, was associated with sickness, death and quite frankly, punishment. and with hiv stigma and hysteria at its peak, marketing the diet supplement was impossible.

by 1988, 20,786 people had died of AIDS complications. With the country at large beginning to come to grips with the sobering reality of the epidemic, sales for ayds declined. the product would be entirely removed from the market by 1988.

There can be some old age ways of passing along health communication. It’s usually wrapped around fear or paranoia. Like, “Make sure you get your prueba de VIH cause you don’t know about cuando cortan el pelo o algo asi..” and stuff that’s not actually a risk. I have had to give positive results to folks in my community who are a bit older than me. It was really hard to stay present because this person was really thinking about their life in like 60 miles an hour in their head. Thinking about what they’re gonna do and you’re really there to be that emotional support but also a thought partner. You’re not trying to tell them what they should but come to their own decision.

I feel like this has made me a more strategic and intentional thinker and not so reliant on my own ideas about prevention and safety. I’ll ask people questions if they talk about others instead of themselves, or if they have ruminating thoughts then I’ll know that they might be more of an anxious/head personality. I’m into stuff like the enneagram personality system, I have a tarot deck in my coat right now. I don’t always share that kind of stuff.

I’m really into a variety of stuff like psycho-spiritual stuff to add to my toolbelt because I also find making connections to things exciting. The enneagram is based on the idea that we have three centers of intelligence and you can relate that to the tarot. Where you have the cups being emotion, the swords being intellect/logic, and wands would be instincts.

Javier, He/Him/His

Chicago, IL

Interviewed & Photographed by:

J Aces Lira, GV Fellow

He/Him/His - Chicago, IL

a few days ago, i logged into this very account and saw that a mutual posted a meme that read, “900 people get coronavirus and the whole world wants to wear a surgical mask. 30 million people have AIDS but still nobody wants to wear a condom.” at first, i thought, is this a hot take that is so hot that even my poz ass doesn’t get? but after a minute or so, i’m like, “nah. this is stigmatizing trash.” sadly, i wasn’t surprised.

social media and even a substantial amount of the press coverage about the coronavirus has been anti-asian and xenophobic as fuck! hell, it was also even been a called a “hoax” by tr*mp. of course, none of this is surprising because AIDS history has taught me that people in power and those who write about that power, have at one point willfully minimized, disregarded and laugh about AIDS and the growing deaths of gay men.

in an october 15, 1982 white house press briefing, as the aids epidemic was growing already claiming 853 lives, journalist rev. lester kinsolving asks deputy press secretary larry speakes if then president reagan has any knowledge of aids - then referred to as “the gay plague.” this was the first public question about aids posed to the reagan administration. the question is met with laughter and disregard by both the deputy press secretary and reporters.

by 1984 the aids epidemic later became one of the most devastating pandemics in human history. all during the first term of reagan’s presidency. he was re-elected in an historic landslide victory. this was two years after a member of his administration laughed about AIDS. reagan himself would not utter the word “AIDS” in a speech until 1987. by then more than 20,000 americans had died of AIDS.

history repeats itself over and over.

so my question is are you laughing and making jokes about coronavirus? are you intentionally or unintentionally reinforcing stigma? are you just straight up being anti-asian? are you letting those in your family and intimate circles do these things? this kind of interrogating and examination is critical because what history tells us it that stigma and hate spread faster and kills more than most viruses

I would pass by the clinic but I would never enter, standing in front of the door I would think, “Do I go in or not.” I made five attempts before going in. And when I entered, I sat down, and next to me someone sat down. The older gentleman says “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Then I turned and the person was gone. During that time in my life, I was sad and almost asleep on the train. Someone next to me in a woman’s voice tells me “Smile because not everything in life is easy.” After those two events, they became signs that I had to do something. I was always sad and at that time things were much more stigmatized.

The first year in coming to the US was very hard. I wanted to go back I didn’t want to be here, the food didn’t have taste, the people, I didn’t know how to move about. But after 5 years, I knew how to mobilize, I commuted by myself, I didn’t depend on anyone and my mindset changed. Once a person becomes self-sufficient it’s like they adapt. You begin making friends here and there. And when you least think about it, with my friends back in Colombia, I would call them every eight days and then I never called them again. My life is here in Chicago, I am a part of this.

They tell me that when I go to New York or anywhere else, “Where is your home?” Well, Chicago because the city opened its doors to me, it welcomed me. I know that in Colombia you can never have the medications I have here. If I go to Colombia I die, my life ends there. It is very difficult because those medications are expensive.

If you are diagnosed, you have to continue living, you can’t backtrack. To think that you are being given the opportunity to live, to be a better person, it’s like a life lesson. That living day by day is the only way to continue.

Fernando, He/Him/His

Chicago, IL

Interviewed & Photographed by: J. Aces Lira

Gran Varones Fellow

Chicago, IL

GRINDR OF GEARS: AN APP FOR THE SURVEILLANCE STATE 

Violating and profiting off of marginalized bodies is nothing new in the US. See colonization, slavery, mass incarceration, the war on drugs, Japanese internment camps, the recent passing of SESTA and of course the targeted genocide of Indigenous people. The sordid, oblique and malicious violence against us is the sad stale crust of the American Pie that Trump and others allude to when saying: Make America Great Again!

We know that the most marginalized and unseen communities are viewed, watched and violated by the lens of criminality, every day. It is interesting that the state apparatus holds an obstructive nuance: collecting black and brown bodies to fill prisons, to enhance the veneer of diversity when RFPs for programming are doled-out, all while simultaneously stating they can’t find our communities to serve.  So interesting and mind-boggling that I can’t help but think it’s intentional.

I’m HIV positive and have been for almost a decade and have experience with the trifle of surveillance for the better part of my seroconversion. Once, while at home doing computer work, the Philadelphia Department of Health dispatched Disease Intervention Specialists to my home without trying to contact me first. Here I was in the living room and they hunted me down! They claimed in their condescending tone that it was for MY benefit, that they came to see me. Had they brought me lunch? I wanted to quip. Instead, I just picked up my jaw when they had the nerve to ask me if and when I would report to a doctor for HIV care. I had not engaged with the medical establishments in Philadelphia for about 6 months at that time because I was actively targeting these establishments for their anti-black employment policies and practices and their lack of accountability to communities they professed to serve. I was still taking my medicine because this was before I decided to go on a #medStrike to amplify workers demands at a local nonprofit and as an act of solidarity for the victims of alleged sexual assault by former Mazzoni Medical Director Dr. Robert Winn. 

The two women asked to come inside after telling me who they were. I declined. I asked why they were at my door and they stated “we want to talk about your health” and I asked them to tell me more. By then a neighbor cracked his door open. I continued to implore them to provide further details through my frustration, embarrassment and discomfort. Even while the State was literally at my door I was having to FIGHT for my humanity. One of them said it’s about your HIV status. At that point, I invited them in. Once inside they began to ask inappropriate questions about my private life. They then began to lecture me, echoing the highly problematic and stigmatizing rhetoric of campaigns like “HIV Stops With Me” from the CDC. The corrupt and negligent state attempts to put the burden of the epidemic on the backs of poz people, suggesting that my virus is what was reducing the life chances of people in my community and not their draconian policies and invasive procedures. Did they even consider the possibility of interrupting my safety before coming to my home? I told them I didn’t need this information, that I knew how to take care of myself, that I had worked in community organizations and that this process was invasive and made me unsafe. They dismissed this.

Fast forward. Today Buzzfeed.com published an article highlighting how the GPS dating app GRINDR has been sharing personal data of users to private companies. While I’m not surprised that a capitalistic enterprise is making *coins off of third-party sales of data, I am very upset. I’m devastated to have my suspicions proved right. There is no safe® space in this whole world for poz people to live, love and connect without surveillance. Not our living rooms, and not our phones.

The history of the epidemic teaches us that progress does not happen unless poz communities feel empowered, including feeling safe enough to disclose our status without fear of retribution. This news coming out about Facebook and its problematic approach to data-sharing and now Grindr. This gives me and potentially other PLWHA (People Living With HIV/AIDS) more stressors. We know how trauma impacts our already compromised immune systems. As a poz person I often am unable to speak freely about how disclosure politics and desire limit, restrict or renders me undesirable and nasty. Now we have a receipt that proves that even the enclaves of community we have carved out online are not immune to the overreaching hands of the state and profiteers alike. As we are digitally spilling the TEA,  they are spilling our info into the hands of advertisers, trend companies, and who else? Under capitalist assault, HIV is being weaponized against us.

I call on us all to hold GRINDR accountable. We can start by informing ourselves and others of the privacy policies of all the apps we are on. It does not matter how poz-friendly they may seem in their marketing and who their users are.

Over the next few days, I will be meeting with friends, accomplices [read: allies] and lovers to consider what this breach of trust means for my intimacy, criminalization and the future of how we hold and maintain community. Do we all need to rethink how we reach out?

As part of my process I am going to share an anonymously published zine called, How To Have Sex in Police State which opens with this:  “We are in a dangerous moment under the watch of a hostile regime and we urgently need to take back control of our lives, our health and our freedom.”

Abdul-Aliy is a Black poz non-binary jawn* from Philadelphia PA. They organize with the Black and Brown Workers Cooperative and otherwise loves to give out free hand-jobs when able. A Flower Left To Wilt, their collection of writing/poetry will be released on October 26, 2018. If you want to hear them talk ish weekly, listen to FOR COLORED BOYZ PODCAST!

*Jawn - a word used to describe any and everything in Philly Philly!