gran varones turns 5 this year and what better way to begin that celebration by announcing our first fellowship for hiv positive varones creatives.

the positive digital arts fellowship will work with 5 hiv positive latinx and afro-latinx men who identify as gay, queer, trans or bi. the fellowship will provide support and tools on creating digital content that challenges hiv stigma and promotes family acceptance.

for more information or to check out the application

please share with your networks.

on june 5, 1981, the center for disease control (cdc) published an article in its morbidity and mortality weekly report (mmwr): pneumocystis pneumonia—los angeles. the article described cases of pneumocystis carinii pneumonia(pcp), a rare lung infection, in five young, white, previously healthy gay men in los angeles. the report stated that all of the men had other unusual infections in to pcp, indicating that their immune systems were not working. by the time the report was published, two of the five men had died and the other died soon after. this was the very first official reporting of what later became the aids epidemic.

in 1981, there were 234 known deaths due to aids, which before 1982 was actually called gay related immune deficiency (grid) by both health officials and mainstream media. this framing and the fear mongering messaging that immediately followed, along with the us government’s willful inaction, helped to create an epidemic that continues to impact our communities globally. 

someone once said that the shortest distance between life and death was aids. by 1993, just five years after then president reagan publically acknowledged the epidemic, aids was the leading cause of death for american ages 25-44.

38 years since the cdc report, we have witnessed profound breakthroughs in hiv treatment, prevention and even how it covered in some media outlets. however, black and latinx gay men, trans men and trans women continue to be disproportionately impacted and criminalized even as the hiv non-profit industry has gone by leaps and bounds.

hiv is still a social justice issue.

hiv is still a racial justice issue.

hiv is still a health issue.

no one is truly living without hiv in a world where it continues to impact those on the margins.

so on this day, we remember those who marched in past pride parades with zero t-cells. we remember those who yelled, “act up! fight back, fight aids!” we carry their legacies as we celebrate stonewall 50. we still rage and mourn because many of them would still be here had it not been for aids.

photo circa 1989 • philadelphia puerto rican day parade • courtesy of David acosta

it has been two years since christopher collins left this world. he was 37 years old. he was my first love and for years, my only love. he was an integral part of hiv prevention youth program development in philadelphia.

we met in the mid 1990s. we were a part of a group of black & brown queer & trans youth who were minding themselves. we didn’t have many mentors as most of the adults in our lives were either dying, caring for the dying or traumatized by the impact hiv/aids had on our community.

we were kids building rome with bricks cemented by our commitment to fuckin’ exist without apologies and shame. we bought our first rainbow necklaces together. we imagined a world for us that was yet to be written about in the books we read but we still imagined.

we both worked in hiv non-profit. that shit drained us both of life and spirit. we built programs that we had no access to. we gave the world everything including our relationship.

chris and i would work together again in 2012. we facilitated a weekly youth group for black & brown trans & queer youth. we joked about all that we survived. we cried about how the work & movement sometimes does not love you back.

chris wanted the movement and work to love him back. some of us learn to breathe through straws under the weight of the world that tells us we are not enough, our love is not enough. and some of us choose to fly in a dimension where oxygen is not restricted. chris chose the latter.

chris, the loss of your spirit is felt by those of us who survived hiv prevention of the 1990s. it is felt by those of us who continue to (barely) survive the non-profit industrial complex. your loss is felt by everyone who thought this work would save us.

chris was my first love. he was my friend. he was one of the most important relationships i had in this work. i miss his laugh. i miss him. today, i raise him up. 

rest well, chris.

if you are feeling alone and/struggling right now, remember that lifeline is here for you. call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1.800.273.TALK (8255)

may 21 will mark the 40th anniversary of the white night riots that took place in san francisco in 1979 after dan white was sentenced to just 8 years in prison for the murder of mayor george moscone and supervisor harvey milk.

by the turn of the 1970’s, the castro district of san francisco had become a queer & trans utopia that provided a sense of sexual freedom, liberation, and self-realization. however, both local and national anti-gay legislation & sentiments were threatening that paradise.

in 1977, miss america runner-up & florida citrus orange juice “queen” lead a successful “save our children” campaign to overturn a dade county ordinance prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation. that win launched a nat’l movement against the lgbtq community.

in 1978, harvey milk, the first out gay man to be elected to public office in CA, helped to get a non-discrimination ordinance signed in to SF law & was integral in mobilizing lgbtq folks and allies to shut down a statewide bill to ban gay teachers.

former cop dan white, who was elected to the SF board of supervisors the same time as harvey, was the only board member to vote against the non-discrimination bill. embarrassed and angered that his own bills failed, white resigned from his position on november 10, 1978.

in the following weeks, white reconsidered his decision and asked to be reappointed to his position. after being told during a radio interview that another person would be appointed to the board in his place, dan white set out to punish those he felt had humiliated him.

on the morning of november 27, 1978, dan white snuck into city hall through a side window & with a loaded 38 caliber smith & wesson,  and traveled to city hall. walked into the office of mayor george moscone, an ally of harvey’s & shot him 4 times, 2 shots to the head.

as dan white rushed through the hall searching harvey milk, he stop to reload his gun. when he found harvey down the hall, white shot harvey 5 times, two times in the head. the murders shocked an already devastated city who that just beginning to process the jonestown massacre.

in may of 1979, white was tried for 2 counts of 1st degree murder. however, the mostly older white & working class jury delivered a guilty verdict of voluntary manslaughter w/ sentence of just 8 yrs. for gay community, this was further proof that the justice system was anti-gay.

thousands marched to city hall to protest the verdict. some held signs that read, “pity for the privilege, death penalty for the poor” and “white(s) get away with murder.” as the crowd grew, the pain and disappointment quickly turned into collective rage.

outnumbered by the gays, cops retreated as the gays rioted at city hall breaking windows. when things subsided, folks headed back to the castro district. in retaliation, police descended onto the castro and invaded a gay bar later that night.

police violently struck gay patrons. still filled with complete fury and disdain of the police state and justice system, the gays fought back and set police cars on fire. by the end of the night, dozens of police cars were set ablaze and 20 people were arrested.

the white night riots are an important chapter in queer history. on the night of may 21, 1979, the san francisco gays challenged the police state and defended themselves from police violence. they set the city on fire.

the following san francisco pride, marchers held signs that read “lesbians against police violence” & “end police violence.” cops were seen as a threat to queer liberation. later that year, in november of 1979, close to 100,000 people marched in support gay rights in DC.

the white night riots signaled a continued a trans & queer revolution that was ignited during the stonewall uprising 10 years earlier. pride marches were political and even more so just two years later when the aids epidemic began its assault on the queer community

sadly, in many ways, the aids epidemic truncated the revolution that we were on the brink of by stealing the lives of those who knew our liberation could never be realized under the police state.

BAN POLICE FROM PRIDE!

this pride season, may we all remember that the first pride was a riot. every culture shift for our basic human rights have been because of riots and direct actions. this year, honor black and brown trans women who rioted for us. remember the white night rioters by banning police

yesterday, on the first day of pride month, johana “joa” medina, a salvadorian trans alum seeker living with HIV, died in an el paso, texas hospital after ICE purposely delayed medical treatment.

according to a press release from grecia, trans leader from casa migrante in juarez, mexico who accompanies joa until her death, joa had pleaded for weeks that she was in need of medical care due to hiv complications. the press release states that after two months of suffer, joa was finally taken to las palmas del sol hospital in el paso, texas after johanna became extremely ill.

johana “joa” medina died june 1, 2019 at 21:00 hours. .

just a little over a year ago, rosxanna hernández, an hiv positive hundoran trans woman, died while ICE custody last year after being denied medical treatment and physical abuse.

we speak your name, joa.

we speak your name roxsanna.

we speak the name of every trans woman murdered.