THE GRAN VARONES

in the late 1980s, paula abdul’s popularity rivaled that of her contemporaries, janet jackson and...

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 13:43:42 -0400

in the late 1980s, paula abdul’s popularity rivaled that of her contemporaries, janet jackson and madonna. paula had gone from being an LA lakers cheerleader to an in-demand choreographer that helped catapult janet jackson’s first three music videos from her 1986 breakout album “control” to legendary status. it wasn’t long before paula herself became an r&b/pop diva and MTV music video phenom.

by the start of the 1990’s, paula was on a non-stop streak of hit singles on both the hot 100 and r&b charts including four chart-toppers — “straight up,” “forever your girl,““cold hearted” and my son’s favorite “opposites attract.“ the multi-format success of these singles helped her 1988 debut album “forever your girl” reach sales of over 17 million worldwide becoming one of the most successful debut albums in music history.

her 1991 sophomore effort “spellbound,” was on the same trajectory with its first two singles “rush, rush” and “promise of new day” topping the hot 100. unfortunately, the insidiousness of anti-fatness by mainstream media outlets interrupted the album’s momentum.

the “promise of a new day” music video became a source of manufactured controversy upon its release due to the elongation effects of the screen. the video was infamously parodied by the fox sketch show “in living color.”

titled “promise of a thin me,” the skit ridiculed paula’s vocal abilities, her body and alleged the effects in the “promise” video were used to make her appear taller and thinner. the anti-fat skit further fueled the body-shaming commentary about paulla that was already dominating tabloid magazines.

things would all come to a head on september 5, 1991. paula was part of the star-studded roster of performers that included mariah carey and prince at the mtv video music awards. in another effort to address the critiques that she lip-synced during performances, paula opted to sing live while performing a high-impact dance routine of “vibeology,” a song that was set to be her next single.

the performance, which included a play on gender presentation with paula performing in masculine drag and dancing closely with women dancers before stripping into a glass-covered leotard, was immediately declared by critics as “disastrous.” anti-fat and misogynistic jokes about paula’s body were made by radio personalities and numerous news outlets.

the gravity of the backlash was so immense that virgin records postponed the release of “vibeology” and instead released another ballad, “blowing kisses in the wind.” while the song would peak inside the top 10, it disrupted the momentum of the album. the innovative pop/house track “vibeology” was eventually released as a single in late 1991 and every ally reached a peak at #16 on the hot 100.

at the end of 1992, paula went on a hiatus to prioritize her physical and mental health. she released her final album to date in 1995. she successfully reemerged in 2002 as one of the original judges on the reality TV talent “american idol.”

for decades, some referred to paula’s 1991 VMA performance as the moment her career died. we know that not be true as paula continues to be and do legendary things including championing LGBTQ issues and raises awareness about eating disorders and mental health. don’t sleep on miss paula. she is not only a survivor but a pop music legend who has sold over 53 million records.

like janet, jody watley, vanessa williams and pebbles, paula abdul’s music was the backdrop of my early teen years. while the hood was literally surviving the war on drugs, AIDS and the crack epidemic, it was r&b/pop divas that served as a source of solace for queer boys like myself caught up in the intersections of that violence.

police don’t prevent crime, they commit crime. DEFUND THE POLICE

Sun, 18 Apr 2021 13:39:01 -0400

police don’t prevent crime, they commit crime.

DEFUND THE POLICE

A few years ago, my brothers were in a really bad car accident. Both of my brothers were driving on...

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 23:11:51 -0400

A few years ago, my brothers were in a really bad car accident. Both of my brothers were driving on the highway, and they got hit by a semi-truck. One of them was in really bad shape. We weren’t sure if he was going to make it. He had to learn how to walk again.

And I took time off from school to be his caregiver. That was really a blessing in that we spent so much time together that we got on each other’s nerves that we were able to hash some of those things out. And those stories that I was making it from my head, like, Oh, well, he doesn’t talk to me because I’m gay. Or he doesn’t invite me to his birthday parties. Like because I’m gay. And it’s so funny, because he said, like, “No, we just that because you went to Harvard, you didn’t fuck with the block party’s no more. We thought that you were “too good” for that. It had nothing to do with you being gay.”

So I feel like I’ve been able to, to learn that those stories that I was making up in my head about why they didn’t talk to me, were not always true. It opened this space for me to be able to see that we already had that conversation about my being gay. They knew that I broke up with my partner. But they didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about it. But he’ll do stuff like, get my like tires rotated and stuff, you know.

So I think that I had to learn to receive love in the way that they deliver it. And that’s been a process for me. But I feel like I’m at a better place now than I was before. And the car accident really brought us closer together.

Miguel, He/Him
Chicago, IL

interviewed & Photographed by: louie ortiz-fonseca

in 1987 the AIDS epidemic was still unfolding. it was still a death sentence. those living with...

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 23:07:08 -0400

in 1987 the AIDS epidemic was still unfolding. it was still a death sentence. those living with HIV–who were still among the living–were at constant war with a government that willfully denied, withheld and blocked necessary resources to address the epidemic. it was a brutal time. but it was also a time that clubs and dance floors thrived. they were still a place for restoration and for falling in love with strangers who danced to songs that fed the spirit. and whitney houston’s “i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me)” was one of those songs.

released in may 1987, “i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me)” served as the lead single from whitney’s sophomore album “whitney.” the jubilant pop/dance track about the need for a dance floor escape from the loneliness that creeps up at night was an immediate hit. seven weeks after its release “i wanna dance with somebody”became whitney’s fourth consecutive song to top of the billboard hot 100.

in march 1990 whitney performed the song at the “that’s what friends are for: arista records 15th anniversary AIDS benefit concert.” held at radio city music hall, the star-studded concert which included other queer icons jennifer holiday, whoopi goldberg, and taylor dayne to name a few, aired on CBS a month later.

whitney’s work to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS continued throughout her career. in 1991 she spoke at the reach out and touch someone HIV/AIDS vigil in the UK. there she spoke about the importance of AIDS research and addressing HIV stigma. three years later, whitney performed an emotionally driven rendition of the bebe & cece winans song “don’t cry for me” at the AIDS project LA: commitment to life concert.

34 years since its release “i wanna dance with somebody” still packs the dance floor at queer clubs. a new generation of young people who courageously defend our communities from the same systems that attempted to destroy us all during the early epidemic, find solace and connection in singing along with strangers that beautiful refrain that is “oh i wanna dance with somebody who loves me.”

It took so long Still I believed Somehow the one that I neededWould find me eventuallyI lived in my...

Sun, 28 Mar 2021 00:06:58 -0400

It took so long
Still I believed
Somehow the one that I needed
Would find me eventually

I lived in my imagination. There existed a universe filled with applause and standing ovations. And in 1990, one of those places I manifested that universe was in my aunt Janet’s basement. While others saw a dusty and gloomy space, occupied by things nobody wanted – I didn’t want to throw anything away. With just a double cassette radio and the dim light of what I am sure was a 25 watt bulb, was a world that protected me from the horrors that most queer kids like myself faced. The only time I ventured out was for school and not by choice. My survival mechanism in classrooms was ignoring the torment from other students – the way all my teachers did – and just daydream about the universe that existed within the confines of that basement until the school bell rang.

That basement was a place of environmental transformation. Whenever I played music as loud as I could, it became an arena for my “live” concerts that included a setlist of Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul songs. I’d imagine that all of the people, both adults and kids, who teased me because I was gay or because my mom struggled with crack addiction, were in the audience shocked into awe at my how far I’d come. I was popular in my imagination – all 13 year-old fem gay boys were popular in the gloomy refuge of my basement universe.

It was in that basement that I first heard Mariah Carey’s debut single “Vision of Love.” It was a Sunday night around 11:15pm. I know this because every Sunday night, I listened to a syndicated radio show called “Future Hits.” The hour-long show, which ran from 1984-1995, showcased newly released singles that had the potential to be future hits - hence the title. On that spring night, I listened as host Joel Denver introduced “Vision of Love.” I remember my initial response was “What a pretty name.” Then as the song began to play, I became captivated.

The production was not that much different from the current sound of R&B/Pop ballads of that time. What amazed me was the song’s lead and background vocals. Up until that point, Janet Jackson was the only artist in my opinion that mastered background vocals and harmonies. And for the record, Janet along with Brandy remain queens of harmonizing. But “Vision of love” had “oohs,” “ahhs” and “bops” that transcended vocals – they carried (see what I just did there?) the song in a way that instrumentation alone could never do.

Prayed through the nights
Felt so alone
Suffered from alienation
Carried the weight on my own

It has been over 30 years since the release of “Vision of Love,” the song that catapulted an unknown former background singer for Freestyle/Pop singer Brenda K. Starr, into a living music legend. Released in May 1990, the song struck a chord with not just me, but with the mass populous. For many, that the song was interpreted as a love song, and for some, it communicated the experience of a spiritual awakening. For me, it was both. And in the wake of surviving both sexual, family seperation, and physical violence, this and most of the music of 1990, provided a musical backdrop in my journey to make sense of the world around me and the one I was creating. There, in that gloomy basement, Mariah Carey became my religion.

People often laugh at or are intrigued about my love for Mariah. My love for Mariah is deep and extends far beyond what the average listener may be or experience through her music, videos and persona. Her albums were like doctrines that provided directives of how to survive in a world committed to picking me apart. and the gay boy who always felt as if God was foreign to me, divas like Mariah were saviors who washed me over with love, acceptance without my ever having to denounce a part of who I was or will become.

Had to be strong
So I believed
And now I know I’ve succeeded
In finding the place I conceived

The world has vastly changed since the release of “Vision of Love” in 1990. I have been living with HIV for well over a decade. My aunt Janet has since passed away, She was also a big Mariah fan. When she moved away to Florida in the mid-1990’s, I would purchase two copies of a Mariah album – one for me and one to mail off to Janet. I would then buy $10 calling cards (because that’s what poor people had to do when you didn’t have a phone or a long distance carrier. Yeah, that was a thing) and call her so we could dissect the album. This was a kind of bible study for me. My spirit was always right after those calls.

I cannot and probably will never be able to express my love and gratitude for Mariah without people labeling it as fanatical. What I do know is that ever since that Sunday night in 1990, there in that basement, in that place I conceived, Mariah has carried me through desperation and alienation for three decades. And for a Puerto Rican queer boy who used to only feel seen in his imagination, he now lives in the vision of the love that he creates and recreates every day. Just as he – I mean, just as I did, in that dusty basement all those years ago.

I had a vision of love
And it was all you’ve given me.

“The “Dollhouse: Where There’s Room for Everyone”On top of everything happening in 2021—which feels...

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 20:44:08 -0400

“The “Dollhouse: Where There’s Room for Everyone”

On top of everything happening in 2021—which feels like we’ve been here for a year already—women in hop-hop continue to dominate the charts and redefine the art of music videos.

Songs like Cardi B’s “Up” and Flo Milli’s “Roaring 20s,” and their accompanying visuals, remind us that women are in the lead. Both songs lyrically and visually pay homage to Nicki Minaj’s signature doll house and Barbie themes. Queen Minaj arrived on the music scene in all her pink Barbie glory a little over a decade ago and helped to set in the motion what some call the renaissance of women in hip-hop. The gurls are writing their rhymes, delivering looks and riding the hot pink Barbie wave.

The tracks on this playlist celebrate the pride in the feminine. What a time to be alive.

At the end of last year, I decided to return home to the Dominican Republic for the first time in...

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 18:15:38 -0400

At the end of last year, I decided to return home to the Dominican Republic for the first time in close to 5 years. I was able to surprise my family members, including my mom for Christmas. It was a memorable moment. It was a feeling like never before in my life. I wanted to see my family so much that days before arriving I didn’t feel hungry. It was as if I was immortal and that man was not a problem or a priority. When I surprised my mom, I cried a lot. My tears were not of suffering, they were of so much emotion accompanied by these five Christmases and three years away from my family. Listening to the Dominican cars, motorcycles, engines, and horns was like living once again.

Denying that I felt strange at the moment is something impossible, and people did not perceive me the same as before, not even the boyfriends or past adventures that I had saw me the same as before. The only ones who did not change were friends and family. Because of COVID, I could not enjoy my travel plans as I wanted, but in the Dominican Republic, there was always a way to smile and be happy. The important thing was that I was in the country, in a difficult time but I was close to those who made me feel important. My mom, my grandmothers, and my great-grandmother were what gave me the strongest emotions. I couldn’t bear to look at them, my heart felt like it doubled with so much emotion when I was around them. I would like to divide myself in two, so as not to miss those from the United States and there. While in the DR I missed my kittens, but in the DR I missed my friends that would go out to bars, but right now we are in a pandemic and it is impossible.

These are just a few of the experiences I had while briefly visiting home. I can’t believe that I left my country at 23 years old. I had no clue that one day I would just leave without knowing that I would return at 27 years old. As long as I live far from DR I will be missing even its worst moments.

Francix • He/Him

La Vega, Dominican Republic

Interviewed & Photographed by: Armonté Butler

Sweet harp chords flourish as “Together Again” starts, then it picks up momentum with these lyrics...

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 16:03:04 -0500

Sweet harp chords flourish as “Together Again” starts, then it picks up momentum with these lyrics “There are times when I look above and beyond, there are times when I feel your love around me baby, I’ll never forget my baby.” Janet Jackson released this single on December 2, 1997, part of her sixth studio album “The Velvet Rope” and instantly this became an anthem for those lost to the now quiet violence of the ongoing epidemic.

Janet herself said the song is about friends lost to AIDS and that she was inspired by the Nuyorican Soul song “Runaway.” It would become a beautiful ode to lives lost. 1997 was two years after the introduction of HAART or Highly Active Antiretroviral Therapy simply called ART now. This breakthrough: that a combination of drugs that attacked viral progression at different stages meant a rapid decrease in the viral load in bodies, which reversed conditions for many sickened with HIV and diagnosed with AIDS.

This however, didn’t end the morbidity of HIV, especially for Black and brown people fighting to live. According to the CDC, Black people bore a disproportionate rate of death from HIV in 1997. It’s in this context that “Together Again” comforts so many who have lost someone by reminding us with a beautiful refrain that “Everywhere I go, every smile I see I know you are there smilin’ back at me.” This was a godsend for so many who took their pain of loss to the dance floor, booming in clubs, a beautiful ritual of remembrance cascading under the brilliance of iridescent lights. Knowing that our loved ones were “Dancin’ in moonlight” and that they are now FREE. Free of the pain, hurt and judgement of having lived with a virus.

“Together Again” was commercially successful, becoming Janet’s eighth number one hit topping the charts on January 31, 1998 and stayed there for two weeks. There were two music videos produced for this song, but the most memorable is the one shot in Tanzania. Janet’s radiance in the bright Serengeti sun is remarkable with bright red ponytails and colorful African prints, Janet and her dancers beautifully synchronized in choreography that has elements of vogue.

What an offering.

To all those lost to AIDS, I can’t wait to feel your warm embrace and “I dream of us together again.” and “I can’t wait for you to wrap your wings around me.”

Until then I’ll gaze at “your star shinin’ back at me.”

àṣẹ

Abdul-Aliy (They/Them) is a Philadelphia born writer, organizer and cofounder of the Black and Brown Workers Co-op. In their work they often trouble ideas of medical surveillance, bodily autonomy and Blackness. Follow them on Twitter at: @mxabdulaliy. Cash App: $Abdul-Aliy

The first time I heard the quote “every time an old person dies, it is as if a library burned down,”...

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 12:03:46 -0500

The first time I heard the quote “every time an old person dies, it is as if a library burned down,” I immediately thought of my mother and brother Nicholas. The two people in the universe that were the first half of my life, that many of my memories orbit around. Neither one of them were anywhere near what is considered “old” in this country when they both died. My brother was just 21 when he was murdered 20 years ago and my mother, 55, when she chose to end her battle with cancer six years ago. Together, with their support, I survived the height of the AIDS epidemic. And only because of them, I survived the crack epidemic. And part of my survival is my responsibility to tell our stories with the urgency of being “a library on fire.”

A lot of what I remember exists only in my head in memories. We didn’t have cameras growing up. That luxury was regulated to the very rare occasions when we purchased a disposable camera from Rite Aid. The notion of documenting our collective history through photographs had never occurred to me then. Whenever we did have access to a camera, we’d take random photos of us around the house or up the block. We would pose in our outfits of the day or took turns catching each other off guard until we reached the last click in the camera. Because many of those rolls of film were never developed and/or left exposed somewhere in that one kitchen drawer where we placed discarded mail and overdue utility bills, I have very few photos of my mother, brother and myself during that era of our lives. I now fight to remember with an urgency as a library on fire.

A few years ago, I posted a photograph on Instagram of my brother Nicholas during the historic winter blizzard of March 1996 that left Philadelphia buried under 27 inches of snow. In the photo, my brother was standing on the corner with piles of snow behind him. Many of the comments left by friends were their memories of that storm and how there was a shortage of storm essentials – bread, milk and eggs – because the massive amount of snow made store deliveries impossible in the following days. It was in our collective story sharing moments — conjured up by this one photo — that I was able to remember other subtle details about that particular day. Details that were locked away and could have most certainly remained unremembered had it not been for the collective storytelling in the comments section.

Photos not only help to recall and remember, but they serve as a kind of proof that we exist. Photographs invite us to reconnect with parts of ourselves and our community that can potentially fill the empty spaces that we may not remember. In this web gallery, I compiled a series of portrait and candid photography by artists members who invite us into a memory or moment intimately shared by photographer and subject but emotionally felt by patrons who enter this library of stories. Photos that communicate isolation, loss, joy, sadness, love and quiet resistance.

We’re All Libraries Burning | Visual AIDS

The gallery begins with Luna Luis Ortiz’s “The Kiss of Carlos and Harlow.” Taken in 1992, during the one of the many heights of the AIDS epidemic, the photo summons all of the Black and Brown gay boys who found love and remained tender without each other even as we watched libraries burn all around us. The gallery ends with “Selfie Room” by Eric Tenorio. Covid-19 has created, at least for me, a world of isolation that is voyeuristic. I know that I am not the only one who is struggling with loneliness in these times because I feel it in the very air that we were not supposed to breathe, but we continue on with our day with an urgency that we are all libraries on fire.

i wrote for the january 2021 virtual photo gallery i curated for visual aids. visit visualaids.org to check out my “we’re all libraries burning” gallery and along with other beautiful curated galleries.

born wilma cosmé in san juan puerto rico and raised in east harlem, safire was one of the first...

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 11:58:31 -0500

born wilma cosmé in san juan puerto rico and raised in east harlem, safire was one of the first freestyle solo artist to land a deal with a major record label after her first two independently released singles, “don’t break my heart” (1986) and “let me be the one” (1987). both singles helped to break freestyle music, then called “latin hip-hop” at pop radio in new york, chicago, los angeles and miami.

in the summer of 1988, safire released her self-titled debut album on polygram records. the lead single, “boy, i’ve been told,” penned by marc anthony, peaked at #48 on the hot 100 (an accomplishment for a dance song at the time) helped safire land the cover of the spin magazine, becoming the first latina artist to do so.

the follow-up single, “thinking of you”, released february 4, 1989, became her biggest hit to date across multiple formats. written by safire in memory of her uncle mario santiago who died of AIDS complications in 1984, the song was a heartfelt remembrance of those lost during the onset of the epidemic.

the spanish version of the song, “el recuerdo de ti”, translated by world renowned actor and singer ruben blades, was featured in a 1989 AIDS awareness public service announcement that aired in spanish language markets in both the US and across latin america.

in 1989, the number of U.S. reported AIDS cases reached 100,000. safire’s PSA was a pivotal moment in HIV prevention messaging history as culturally targeted HIV prevention messages were almost non-existent.

“thinking of you” peaked at #12 on the hot 100 and #4 on the adult contemporary chart in late spring 1989. safire later received an ASCAP song writing award for the song. over three decades later, we are still filled with gratitude that she used her platform to raise awareness about HIV. and because of her, her uncle mario santiago will never be forgotten.

You may remember the story: It was sensational and on the front page of the Philadelphia Daily News....

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 11:53:02 -0500

You may remember the story: It was sensational and on the front page of the Philadelphia Daily News. They were Black twins dubbed by the media as “twin gay-porn stars” who had been charged with burglary in February 2008. Charged with breaking into a beauty shop in South Philadelphia, the Goffney twins from New Jersey went from unknown to well-known as the press honed in on their past work in adult films.

This was a viral story, where the subjects were animated to heights of salaciousness. As often happens in these instances, after the convictions, the story faded away and there was little interest in understanding or humanizing the Goffney twins. Keyontyli, who now goes by Kyle, the twin who identifies as gay, was sentenced to time served while Ta’Leon, who now goes by Teyon, was sentenced to three years in prison.

On February 20, Teyon, at age 38, died of cancer. “REST IN PEACE MY BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE, BRILLIANT TWIN BROTHER!” Kyle wrote in a tribute online.

I remember following the 2008 story as it unfolded and feeling sadness at the way the narrative was spun. As a Black person who identifies as queer, I felt that the coverage of the burglary was undergirded by homophobia and that the shock from their history of sex work became a cause célèbre instead of capturing the complexities of their whole story. It was a case study for the ways that the incessant need for shock value in the media diminishes the need for nuance when discussing suspects of a crime, particularly when the subjects are Black and brown people.

As a reader of local news, then and now, I wanted more information about the lives of the two Black men I had seen ingloriously slayed by words, even before their convictions. Here were two people with complex and difficult lives, who made mistakes.

In the press, Kyle was depicted as the good twin and Teyon was framed as the mastermind behind the burglaries because of his prior contact with police and prison.

The brothers subsequently stopped speaking to each other for six years, according to a post by Kyle on Instagram. Kyle moved to California to continue to pursue modeling and acting and Teyon eventually got out of prison and wrote about his experience in “Infamy: The Sequel.” Media juxtapositions of the two undoubtedly played a role in straining their closeness. An Inquirer article from 2008 describes Kyle as having a promising modeling career while quoting a police source who describes Teyon as a “bad, bad dude.”

Looking back at the case of the Goffney twins is a reminder that the media’s flattening of non-white and non-cisgender people contributes to problems for reporting and storytelling. Media has a responsibility to cover people as individuals, to adequately capture the intricacies of who we are, and not create caricatures based on a few details about our lives.

When I think of the Goffney twins, I’m reminded of how easily someone can go from being someone unknown to infamous in a matter of days. It must’ve been jarring to have to contend with this kind of media attention and the court system at 25. In an interview with the Inquirer in 2008, Kyle said he didn’t want “this kind of infamy” for himself or his family. Their story is complicated, messy and real, but aren’t all of our stories? Embedded in their lives is also a narrative of redemption, struggle and reconciliation. It helps us understand the truth that we are more than our failures and our experiences are shaped by the decisions we make.

Both locally and beyond, the media is currently reckoning with the disparities in coverage when it comes to marginalized communities, including how subjects of crime are portrayed, following the uprisings that sprang from the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police. Notably The Inquirer has stated that mugshots will be used infrequently in stories, because of how it disproportionately features Black and Latinx people. And the Kansas City Star, recently apologized for decades of racism in their reporting. This is a start but, there is much more that news organizations must do.

The truth, no matter how difficult, should be captured fully. Media must do more to capture the stories of Black people without just harping on the details that are shocking. May Teyon rest in peace and may his family find comfort in knowing him completely.

Abdul-Aliy Muhammad is an organizer and writer born and raised in West Philadelphia. @MxAbdulAliy

So last year I wanted the theme of my 16th birthday party to be like The Met Gala after I saw Billy...

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 17:03:26 -0500

So last year I wanted the theme of my 16th birthday party to be like The Met Gala after I saw Billy Porter. I thought he looked amazing. I wanted that! So my mother asked the party planner for and they told us that kind of theme requires a lot time to plan and maybe it could be a theme for my 17th birthday.

Then she asked if I watched “Pose” and I got so excited. Because I watch “Pose” but never in a million years did I think I could have a “Pose” party. I was on board immediately because “Pose” represents so much about me. And it’s a show that I can relate to and there are not many shows that do that.

I loved the fact that I was able to dance and be free. and i had everyone smile with me and not be looked at weird. It was like my day! Everyone was happy with me. You know how birthday parties are, the only person who is enjoying themselves is the birthday person and everyone else is looking all miserable. I felt like everyone was happy with me. It felt it like it was everyone’s birthday.

Jaydon (He/Him)

Philadelphia, PA

interviewed & photographed by: louie ortiz-fonseca

Sometimes we are late to the BBQ right? Well in the case of Ultra Naté (pronounced Na-Tay), I didn’t...

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 14:42:34 -0500

Sometimes we are late to the BBQ right? Well in the case of Ultra Naté (pronounced Na-Tay), I didn’t arrive at the BBQ til 1998. I was 15 years old and my teenage icon Filipinx Freestyle/Dance Diva Jocelyn Enriquez was sprinkled with Disco fairy dust along with dance divas Amber and Ultra Naté under the moniker Stars On 54. They revamped the 1971 folk classic “If You Could Read My Mind” by Gordon Lightfoot into one the most fascinating covers I’ve ever heard (just listen back to back and gag). This collaboration introduced me to Ms. Naté and piqued my curiosity.

Eight years into her career, Ultra Naté had landed five singles into Top 10 on the Billboard Dance Chart by the time I bought the single to her hit single “Free” at Tower Records (I miss you so much). As soon as I heard that guitar riff in the intro followed by those chords and 4/4 I was hooketh. I immediately grabbed a copy of the Situation: Critical album. I stared at the artwork fascinated by its silvery gloss and the acupuncture needles in her face. It was futuristic as fuck! The album’s photography was shot by the legendary Eric Johson who is known for iconic photos of Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Aaliyah, and Biggie. I wasn’t totally sold on the album at first because as a teenager I was infatuated with Freestyle music and this was out of my teenage comfort. However, the album grew on me and eventually I connected to each song on a personal level. At the time I was struggling with my budding sexuality, lack of interest in education, and a toxic-ass family dynamic. This album would eventually become my personal teenage bible.

“Somehow things must change, and it’s got to be for the better” the lyrics from the albums intro track “Situation: Critical” pierced my young gay soul. When my being sexually molested was brought to the light my parents were so wounded by life; none of them had the capacity to support me. My father was strung out on drugs, my mother’s mental health was dwindling, and my step mother struggled to keep a roof over our heads. I felt so fucking hurt by their neglect that all I thought of was escaping at 18. My then therapist Judy had a huge black and white picture of New York City and one day I declared “I’m going to live there!” Until then I endlessly played this album on my discman throughout my teens to keep my ass sane.

There was a rage building inside me and “Found A Cure” was that song that embodied what I felt. Lines like “Feels like I’m going crazy, feels like I’m going insane” were my everyday life and I wanted out but I was still underaged. “How many times have you been left alone and you feel confused?” solidified my connection to Ultra. This was the second single from the album which hit #1 on Billboard Club Songs. The music video was directed by Charles Stone III who would years later direct the epic CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story. Larry Flick of Billboard wrote “Naté fearlessly faces the challenge with a jam that smartly doesn’t aim to duplicate the tone of her now-classic hit…The diva is in fine voice here and is matched by a muscular bassline and keyboard/guitar interplay that oozes with funk flavor…Miss Nate proves there’s more than Free in her locker with a pure floorfiller. A Gloria Gaynor for the Millennium.” Mic drop.

“A New Kind of Medicine,” the album’s second track, and third single, lightened the mood after the dark yet realist ‘Situation’. During this era in House music Disco samples were a huge commodity. While this was purely an original song the Disco influence is prevalent. The single had some heavy hitters on the remixes and the first two being producers in Freestyle: Albert Cabrera, David Morales, and Danny Tenaglia. The Morales mix is quite festive especially at the 5:20 mark when you get that tidbit of Inner City’s “Big Fun” followed by a lyric not in the original: “Stop taking me down.”

My favorite track on the album was the last single released from the album, the Al Mack produced “Release The Pressure.” How can you not feel like you’re transpired into a film where the woman is struggling, breaking shit, cursing bitches out, lights a joint, a sip of wine, puts on her favorite 12” and gets her damn life. The production on this track has so many beautiful layers from the piano, to the horns, and guitars. It always felt like time froze whenever this track came on. The song was also featured on the soundtrack The 24 Hour Woman starring Rosie Perez. This is one of my forever tracks because it always remains true to this day: “You get up, It knocks you back down, Release the pressure, Let it out.”

The album itself pays homage to the 70’s and 80’s influence of staples in Disco, Funk and House which are very evident in: “Any Ole Love” (Indeep’s “Last Night A DJ Saved My Life”) and “Love You Can’t Deny” (Royal House “Can You Party”). The mellower affairs “It’s Crying Time” and “Every Now and Then” were so damn pretty that they seduced my young self who was anti anything slow. The last original track on the album “Divine Love,” produced by the duo Masters At Work, transports you to Sunday mass everytime. That 5 minute mark is pure gospel ear candy with those luscious rhodes and ab libs take you on a journey to the ether. This felt like the sequel to “Rejoicing (I’ll Never Forget)” from her first album Blue Notes In The Basement. At this point in time I was severely struggling with my belief in God however this song just anoints you, especially the 9 minute MAW Version.

This album took me on a musical journey. It became my bible, my salvation, my healing. In the spring of 2001 my life took a huge turn. I had fallen in the love with a man in NYC whom I thought I’d be with forever. After a huge argument with my parents I finally said “fuck this shit I’m out!” Ultra’s lyrics rang in my head “Now I know you’re no good for me, Now I got to find a remedy,” my remedy: move to NYC. After settling into my then boyfriend’s apartment I would blast this album on volume 5000 and the whole damn planet would shake. I didn’t give a fuck about the neighbor downstairs because I was ‘Free’ and living my damn best gay life. I didn’t leave my heart in San Francisco that’s for damn sure!

In 2012, I had a full circle moment when I was hired by Naté’s management, Peace Bisquit. It was completely surreal to be in direct communication with her, and an honor working under the brilliance of Bill Coleman (remember Deee-Lite? “Groove Is In The Heart”? Nuff said.). I was bestowed the task of managing the execution of the Hero Worship album to digital platforms. Miss Naté was the most humble artist I ever worked with. A memory I will always hold dear is a tender moment we shared at the Paradise Garage Reunion Party in 2014. The DJ began to play “The Whistle Song” in honor of the iconic Frankie Knuckles who had passed just months earlier. As the song played, Ultra began to cry. I put my arm around her and consoled her. The same way her music had done for me in all the years before.

Thank you for never giving up on your music Ultra because this album saved me!

“You might save someone’s life.” – Ultra Naté “Situation: Critical”

If you are experiencing or have experienced sexual abuse please call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Giorgio Alxndr (He/Him) is into music, modeling, activism, and plant fathering. He creates beats and playlists in his free time. Loves deep conversations and therapy sessions. Professionally he’s always in the mix between music and technology.

Growing up, you know, being undocumented and being gay, were...

Wed, 17 Feb 2021 11:04:09 -0500

Growing up, you know, being undocumented and being gay, were like two things that I was like, deep in the closet for. So like, coming out of those two closets was really difficult. coming out as gay to my mother was very difficult. Growing up, she would say, you know, homophobic shit. And so like, to me, that was like, No, you can’t come out. And so growing up, I kind of had that, you know, that fear of coming out and, and being true to myself and confronting that. As well as being undocumented. You know, I don’t need a degree to advance in life. But for sure, like, in high school, you’re being thrown this idea of like “you’re going to need your education”, and that you “need” to go to college if you “want a better future, you want a better job.” And so in high school, I knew that if I if I wanted to get “there,” I needed to come out as undocumented. And so I did.

I think for myself, I learned this along the way of like, I think for myself, i realized my coming out, is in different layers. Like, in the work that I do, realizing that many people have like, multiple layers. And for me, like, being accepting and being open to new identities, and being open to meeting new people has allowed me to create community. I think there’s this idea of LGBTQ community, and yeah, we’re the LGBTQ community, but like, are we really a community? So like, no, we’re not a community. And it’s gonna take, each one of us to make that effort to make that community happen. Whether it’s locally or whether if it’s at the club.

Eduardo, He/Him
Napa, California

Interviewed & Photographed by: louie ortiz-fonseca

we love playlists! we partnered with @familiatqlm to create a series of spotify playlists. here is...

Tue, 16 Feb 2021 00:10:35 -0500

we love playlists! we partnered with @familiatqlm to create a series of spotify playlists. here is the third of four playlists. “inn3rg” was curated by Abdul-Aliy A. Muhammad. Link in bio.

Abdul-Aliy (They/Them) is a Philadelphia born writer, organizer and cofounder of the Black and Brown Workers Co-op. In their work they often trouble ideas of medical surveillance, bodily autonomy and Blackness. Follow them on Twitter at: @mxabdulaliy.

twenty five years ago this week, mariah carey was atop of the billboard hot 100 with her boyz II men...

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 23:59:37 -0500

twenty five years ago this week, mariah carey was atop of the billboard hot 100 with her boyz II men duet “one sweet day.”

released as the second single from her fifth studio album “daydream,” mariah carey co-wrote “one sweet day” with boyz II men after the death of her friend and frequent collaborator david cole.

david cole was a prolific songwriter, producer and pianist who created some of the 1980’s and 1990’s most enduring dance songs including “because of you” by the cover girls, “let the beat hit ‘em” by lisa lisa & cult jam, “pride (a deeper love)” by aretha franklin, “gonna make you sweat (everybody dance now)” by c&c music factory and mariah’s eternal classic “emotions.”

on january 24, 1995, david cole died of complications of meningitis brought on by HIV. he was just 32 years old.

“one sweet day” debuted at number one on the hot 100 the day after world AIDS day on december 2, 1995. the song remained atop of the hot 100 for a historic 16 weeks becoming one of the longest running number one singles in billboard’s 50 plus years chart history.

in a 2018 interview with pitchfork magazine, mariah spoke about her friend david:

“he was one of the only people i used to have in the studio when I would sing because i respected him as a singer. he would push me in different areas where he could actually sing it to me and I would be like, “oh, this is cool. i like that.” if you listen to the song “emotions,” that was him going, “you can do that. try this.” half the time, i would lose my voice afterwards because he would just push me.”

rest in peace, david.

i came out to my friends first. they were like, “oh, really? okay. that’s, that’s all right.” and...

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 21:52:42 -0500

i came out to my friends first. they were like, “oh, really? okay. that’s, that’s all right.” and then to my brothers, and they were really shocked. and then my mother and i cried a lot. she didn’t think it was a big deal. she didn’t see it coming but she’s like, “why would this change anything?” and then the only person left was my father. and that was a tricky one. i told him one day while he was cooking. and i was like, “hey, i think i’m gay.” and he just looked at me with this really deep sad face. like i had told him i’m ugly or i have terminal cancer. like, “it’s not true. you’re okay.” and my mother’s like, “no, listen to him. he’s really trying to tell you something.” and yeah, he left the house crying.

i think he had a preconceived notion of what gay meant but i was also his child that he loved and his eldest, so those two things just can’t exist together. they there’s this cognitive dissonance, and i felt like it was too much for him. he was that popular kid in back in mexican high school, you know, teasing other kids for being fags. so now, i was one of those kids he was teasing.

i couldn’t forgive him for not accepting me really quickly when everybody else did. and he couldn’t accept me quickly. so we both had a period of adjustment. i went to the LGBT center at UCLA. and there was woman who was very compassionate that helped me out. she said, “how long did it take you to kind of accept the whole gay thing?” and i said, well, “like 19 years.” and she’s like, okay, “how much grace are you willing to cut your dad? how much time are you willing to give him to accept it?” and that’s when i kind of got it. like, this is not going to be an overnight thing and it’s not fair for me to expect it to be. so after that i took him to starbucks and i told him i had my heart broken for the first time and it really hurt and i really wanted my dad there. and he wasn’t and i miss you. he’s a softy, so he’s like, okay, we can stop on censoring, you know, the word “gay” in the house and you can be you. and everything was fine the next day.

sergio (he/him)

los angeles, ca

interviewed & photographed by: louie ortiz-fonseca

I’ve always taken some level of comfort in the holiday season. Wrapping gifts, decorating the tree,...

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 21:52:39 -0500

I’ve always taken some level of comfort in the holiday season. Wrapping gifts, decorating the tree, queuing up the holiday classics on the radio. There’s a repetition of the holidays and their associated festivities that I’ve always taken comfort in as a queer kid of color growing up. A welcomed pomp and circumstance to bookend any year, no matter how challenging or depressing. Over the years, I craved the kind of holiday cheer that could look and feel like me and the spaces that I occupied.

You don’t have to look too deeply to understand that Christmas and its pop culture breadcrumbs have historically been dominated by whiteness. The benchmarks of the holiday season are usually found in “A Christmas Story” marathons, Bing Crosby ditties, and Charlie Brown.

Unbeknownst to most, an update on a classic was about to disrupt any antiquated, albeit comfortable, ideas of what constitutes a “classic” Christmas. The one driving a bulldozer through the most wonderful time of the year would be a crass, Black, bisexual, singing superstar with a pill problem and set of enemies ready to take her down. Her name is Ebony Scrooge.

The VH1 made-for-television film “A Diva’s Christmas Carol,” written/directed by Richard Schenkman debuted on December 13, 2000 and in the years since its debut would generate a loyal fanbase of viewers. The powers that be, having yet to see its underground following, leave viewers no choice but to pull out their DVD players every year, hope for a midnight cable viewing, or search through YouTube to satisfy the desire for this Christmas gem.

Here’s a glimpse into how Ebony flips Christmas on its head.

1. A Fabulous Spin on an Old Favorite

The film reimagines the classic Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” in a universe of late 90s era diva-dom. The iconic Ebenezer Scrooge is retooled as Ebony Scrooge, a Black pop/R&B princess with massive success but little love in her heart. One fateful night alongside some oddball spirits has her questioning her cold ways just in time for Christmas. Produced for television by VH1, it arrived right at the peak of its massively popular VH1 Divas Live series.

2. Starring THE Vanessa Williams

VH1 founds its Ebony Scrooge in Vanessa Williams. An acclaimed singer and actress, Williams was no stranger to success at the time. By the film’s release, she had five hit albums under her belt and more than a dozen Hot 100 entries to her name. Nor was she a stranger to Christmas, having released a popular holiday album in 1996. With hit movies and Broadway on her resume as well, there was no better choice to bring this Scrooge to life.

3. The Bitch is Back

Williams is no holds barred in her take on the classic Scrooge character. She vacillates between complete apathy and all-out bitchiness and finds every delightful opportunity in between to ham it up for the camera. In fact, Williams’ Ebony Scrooge caught the eye of the late Silvio Horta who campaigned to have her fill the role of another grand dame – Wilhelmina Slater on the hit show “Ugly Betty.”

4. No Shortage of Camp

Completely aware of its own ridiculousness and in on its own fun, “A Diva’s Christmas Carol” ups the camp and embeds clever one-liners and mounds of witty banter into its script. When Ebony comes face to face with her dead former friend and bandmate Marli Jacobs, the two spar in true Dynasty fashion about whether Jacobs is there to do her nails or warn her of her evil ways. Chock full of pop culture references, the film pokes fun at Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Bette Midler, and even a hilarious revelation of a tryst between Ebony and Anne Heche.

5. Oh, the Fashions!

Moving across decades, the film anchors itself primarily in the 80s and 90s. So, for viewers, there’s quite the visual treat watching Williams and company play dress up in all the feathers, leather, fur and big hair that a boy playing dress up in his mother’s closet could ever dream of.

6. Wildcard Supporting Cast

Add into this already delicious mix an utterly strange combination of supporting actors. Ebony’s bandmate Marli is played by Rozanda “Chilli” Thomas of TLC who appears in full on over-the-top dominatrix gear. Follow that with ghosts of Christmas past (a snarky Kathy Griffin), present (John Taylor of Duran Duran) and future (a literal episode of VH1’s Behind the Music – how’s that for a throwback?). Then toss in some cameos from Nile Rodgers and Brian McKnight for good

7. Do I Feel a Heartquake?

For the icing on the cake, “A Diva’s Christmas Carol” is responsible for birthing one of the greatest fake 80s, holiday-adjacent, catchy AF songs by a non-existent girl group to ever come out of a television movie. Before striking solo, Ebony, Marli, and their friend Terry form the group Desire and hit big with their single “Heartquake.” The film weaves this pop gem throughout and I don’t know anyone that’s denied themselves the opportunity to hum along.

At its core though, the message living inside its protagonist’s messiness still rings true. “A Diva’s Christmas” never goes too far into the deep end of its own dramatics before pulling back to remind us of its heart. It pushes us to find some meaning in the holiday season – that same corny, comfy feeling that makes me excited for the month of December each year – and allows us to imagine our own festive worlds where the hair reaches the heavens, the gowns cling tight, and divas reign supreme.

Joshua Henry Jenkins makes space and cultivates community. His work primarily focuses on amplifying the voices of those who are often living in the margins. Joshua is a digital strategist by profession, a designer and facilitator in the in-between, and a community organizer through and through. He currently serves as Director of Web and New Media at Americans for the Arts, Board Chair of the Arts Administrators of Color Network, and co-creator/co-facilitator of the BLACK, GAY, stuck at home series. www.joshuahenryjenkins.com

Like most people, I learned about Nicki Minaj and her love of the color pink during my early gay...

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 00:57:50 -0500

Like most people, I learned about Nicki Minaj and her love of the color pink during my early gay social media days on Myspace and Tumblr. I was in middle school navigating insecurities that come were flamed by a culture of “boy team vs. girl team” gym activities and the suffocating male gender norms of “hard vs. soft.” But it was the very discovery of Nicki Minaj and her “Playtime Is Over” mixtape that I not only became a stan—or a “barb” according to the world fandom, but I found a way to tap into parts of myself I was still trying to figure out.

The mixtape pushed boundaries in Hip-Hop and introduced us to Nicki’s rap style that includes a genius play on words, metaphors, and theatrics. It was all of this as well as the mixtape’s now-legendary artwork that hinted at her Barbie persona that left my 12-year-old self captivated. I began to make connections to what her presence in Hip-Hop was slowly doing to how I was navigating gender and sexuality. I could remix and define it myself. I could think outside of the box of what the world was telling me.

By the time I began the 9th grade, Nicki and Trina were two of my favorite artists. Nicki Minaj had released her last mixtape “Beam Me Up Scotty.” The artwork depicted her as a superhero that Hip-Hop and Pop music certainly needed. It was clear that she was coming to the rescue. My high school didn’t allow students to have their phones in the building due to fears that students would cheat on tests. Fortunately, there was always a student that snuck their phone into the school like contraband so that we could blast “I Get Crazy” and “Itty Bitty Piggy” during lunch. Nicki had the students organizing!

In 2010, I was attending a high school that was anything but affirming of LGBTQ students. And it was difficult on just about every level. Friends and I attempted to establish an official GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance/Gender & Sexuality Alliance), or maybe it was an unofficial Barbz Club. We weren’t allowed to as part of the series of unofficial policies. Not only did this remind us that the school was hostile towards LGBTQ students, but there really wasn’t a place for us to connect inside or out of school. Some days at school were so bad that I didn’t want to go back to school, and I loved school!

After numerous high-profile features, Nicki finally released her debut album “Pink Friday,” on November 22, 2010. The unofficial GSA/Barbz Club was supported by a guidance counselor, Ms. Williams, and a science teacher, Ms. Jacobson, who offered us the classroom to convene and of course listen to the album. The album peaked at number 2 on the Billboard 200 and marked the second-highest debut week in the history of female hip-hop recording artists.

“Pink Friday” was just what 10th-grade Armonté needed—an embrace of the different, the fun, the pink. It’s wild to remember how just a few years ago hip hop was still seen as straight and cisgender male-dominated. The genre was especially known for its stigmatizing opinion and lyrics about LGBTQ people. Through Nicki’s genre-bending music and creative style, especially her campy pink wig, she carved out a space in hip hop for “outsiders” to enjoy and relate to.

“Pink Friday” was a cultural moment. Two of the album’s singles “Super Bass,” and “Moment 4 Life,” are not only hip-hop classics but are two of the most influential pop songs of the last 20 years. “Pink Friday” wasn’t just a rap album, but one that equally celebrated pop and R&B. A quick “Nicki Minaj Pop-Rap” Google search will send you down the rabbit hole of critiques and opinions about Nicki’s blend of the multiple genres. Most critiques, current and in the past, are still unable to grasp a Black woman’s ability to exist outside of more than one genre at the same time.

“Pink Friday” made it clear that Nicki Minaj was an out-of-the-box artist that would continue to challenge binary thinking and create a new path. From appearing as a guest judge on American Idol, fashion deals with K-Mart and Fendi, and major collaborations with MAC and OPI, Nicki has shown the heights of where a rapper can go with their career. Not only has Nicki Minaj given fans music and accessories, but also a constant nod that it’s okay to be different through her colorful costumes and wigs. Since its debut, Nicki Minaj has released hundreds of features, three chart-topping albums, and made appearances in movies. Her charisma, endurance, and talent has inspired a generation of fans to be true to themselves and fight double standards.

Today I celebrate the birthday of Nicki Minaj, a global phenomenon that continues to encourage me to think, move, and be outside the box.

this past october marked the 35th anniversary of the release of dionne warrick’s charity single...

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 00:21:48 -0500

this past october marked the 35th anniversary of the release of dionne warrick’s charity single “that’s what friends are for.” the one-off collaboration with the equally iconic gladys knight, elton john and stevie wonder, “that’s what friends are for” was released as a charity single in 1985 to support aids research and prevention. originally released as a very schmaltzy love song in 1982, dionne’s cover of “friends” was released just a few weeks after the aids-related death of hollywood legend rock hudson. the song now resonated as a radical message of unconditional love during a time when people living with aids faced intense homophobia and stigma.

“that what friends are for” topped the billboard hot 100 in janaury 1986 and went on to win best pop performance by a duo or group and song of the year at the 1987 grammy awards. it was this commercial and critical success that the song was touted as the anthem for the fight against aids. and while it’s cultural impact could not be overstated, it was not the first “anthem” of acceptance, love and resistance in the era of aids. there were many songs that soundtracked the aids epidemic before and after “that’s what friends are for.

patti labelle’s 1977 single “you are my friend” and sylvester’s brilliant cover in 1979, had long served as musical forms of solace for black and brown queer and trans folks during the onset of the epidemic – years before it was even given a name. other songs released years before the epidemic also served as anthems of survival. bette midler’s “friends,” a song that garnered her rousing applause when she performed it in bathhouses in the early 1970’s and gloria gaynor’s 1979 #1 hit “i will survive” took on a deeper meaning for gay men during height of the aids epidemic.

i must also mention phyllis hyman’s “old friend,” released in the summer of 1986, while not explicitly about aids, does capture the feeling and hope of reconnecting with long family and friends. a reality experienced by those who face rejection from loved ones after an hiv positive diagnosis.

“that’s what friends are for” isn’t even the first AIDS charity single. that distinction goes to the openly gay british band coil who released a cover of “tainted love” in early 1985 as a fundraising effort for the terrence higgins trust. coil’s version of “tainted love” was much somber than the more danceable version by soft cell, who took the song #8 on the hot 100 in the summer of 1982, was accompanied by an even more heartbreaking video that was explicitly about aids.

by 1990 several artists recorded and released songs that were explicitly (or somewhat explicitly) about aids or about the immense loss one feels when a loved one dies. these songs included cyndi lauper’s “boy blue,” prince’s “sign o’ the times”, willie colon’s“el gran varon,” boogie down productions’ “jimmy,” and “is anybody out there” by british pop group frankie goes to hollywood. one of the first songs to explicitly mention the word aids was the queen of paradise garage gwen guthrie’s “can’t love you tonight.” released in 1987, a remix of the song was even titled “the surgeon general’s funky 4/4 beat”

then there were songs that were without a doubt in response to the aids hysteria. these songs include janet jackson’s “let’s wait a while” and jermaine stewart’s “we don’t have to take our clothes off.” both songs communicated a message of delaying sex and are low-key about abstinence.

not all songs that soundtracked the aids epidemic were about loss (“jesus to a child”by george michael and “one sweet day” by mariah carey) or cautionary tales (like salt n pepa’s “let’s talk about sex” and tlc’s “waterfalls”). there were songs that served as a kind of restoration on the dance floor. and many of these songs were present during the early years of the epidemic. songs like sylvester’s 1982 club hit “do you wanna funk”and 1983’s “so many men, so little time” by miguel brown were songs that celebrate sexuality during a time when queer communities were beginning to be ravaged by aids. these songs and hundreds of other dance songs provided a safer space to meet, probably one last time, with people who just wanted to dance and enjoy the beat of life.

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37Kd0rIEOxitkdjScd4f8G?si=Mjf1l1BdTx_aQdPhTlBXiA)