Amplifying Queer & Trans history and the stories of Latinx & Afro-Latinx Gay | Queer | Trans | Bisexual Men & Bois
i met rob bryant during my first week as 40 acres of change coordinator at the only black lgbtq organization in philly. i was 20 years old and nursing my first broken heart. i remember the pain feeling as it was literally suffocating me. the job felt like a new start.
rob and i clicked immediately. we were both at a crossroads. me with my broken heart and managing life without family support and him coming into his own in his family and getting noticed by philly ballroom houses.
when we weren’t working and facilitating the weekly 40 acres of change groups, we were shopping at thrift store or eating out a restaurants we couldn’t afford. that summer, we discovering all of the things that made us magical. we were teaching each other to fly.
as the summer of 1997 came to an end, rob and i were in separable. we had to be for him to agree to keep me company for six hours after we were done work on september 15, 1997. i somehow talked him into staying downtown with me until midnight so that i could be one of the first people to buy mariah carey’s “butterfly” album.
rob wasn’t a mariah fan - at all. i, of course, was obsessed. i would tried to explain to him the significance of the album. like mariah, we were were entering a new phase in our lives. we were more independent and could do whatever we wanted. i like to think i convinced him. maybe a little.
as the seasons changed, i played mariah’s album and hung out with robert. soon the broken heart i was nursing healed. i felt lighter. i began to feel as if i could fly. and that was in large part due the friendship and support rob provided me. and the healing voice of mariah, of course.
by 1999, rob had joined one of the most popular ballroom houses in philadelphia. i was dancing professionally and life happened. we stayed in and fell out of touch many times. our worlds had changed so much and so fast that it never seemed enough time for us to catch up.
while on a day trip in new york in 2017, almost 20 years to the date we met, i ran into rob. we laughed and took a photo. i walked away smiling and thinking to myself, “we are still here. we are still a fuckin’ butterflies.”
for many who know me personally or who have followed me on social media, may know me as a diehard mariah fan. and yes, that is true and unwavering. but like many queer kids of my generation, i worship many gods and one of them is janet.
i fell in love with janet jackson the moment i saw her on the 1980’s sitcom, “diff’rent strokes.” this was long before her musical breakthrough in 1986 with her third album, “control.” while it seemed like everyone were left in complete awe by her brother michael jackson, i was captivated by the aura of janet jackson.
on september 19, 1989, “janet jackson’s rhythm nation: 1814,” one of the greatest albums of all time, was released. i don’t use the term “greatest” loosely. this album was not only a cultural phenomenon but it’s influence continues reverberate in the way pop/dance music and concept albums are produced and marketed.
the “rhythm nation” album was released with a long form music video that featured the album’s first two singles, “miss you much” and “rhythm nation.” the music videos were used as part of a storyline that centered two young people, who are janet jackson fans and dreaming of making it in the music business. maybe it was my 12 year-old queer lens, but i always read the boys as not “straight.” i wouldn’t quite say they were queer but they were boys i could relate to.
the album had its share of pop love songs, it was also included four songs that overtly tackled and names social issues like racism, homelessness, gun violence, the crack epidemic, education and survival sex work. and this was in 1989!
for me, what made this album so powerful and why it continues to be my favorite of all time, is because there is a subtext in both the visuals and songs that welcomes queerness and the families what we create outside or along side our bio fams.
whenever i sang, “we are a part of the rhythm nation!,” i did so while envisioning a world where i wasn’t teased, shamed or chased home. janet spoke in code because she knew that we were all trying to survive 1989. and she was right. here i am. alive and even sometimes thriving.
a few facts about janet jackson’s rhythm nation:
the album has sold over 11 million copies worldwide
despite being the top selling album of 1989, it was not nominated for in any of the major categories at the grammy’s.
janet was however nominated in the producer of the year category and won - becoming the first woman to do so.
a staggering 7 singles were officially released from the album and each one peaked in the top 5 of the billboard hot 100 - with 4 of those singles reaching the top spot.
rhythm nation is the first and only album to have a #1 pop single in 3 different calendar years: “miss you much” 1989 “escapade” and “black cat” 1990 “love will never do (without you)” 1991
the rhythm nation 1990 tour remains the most successful debut world tour by any artist
How tough can it be to hype up some art, hang up some frames, and celebrate with some comadres from the block? To celebrate National Latinx AIDS Awareness Day, I wanted to bridge together some poz artists and our immigrant community members here in Chicago with an art gallery community event. The goal: highlight the life and works of artists producing thought-provoking works, delivering some HIV-related information in spanish, and having these two happen at the same time.
Cuando les digo that I had a solid reality check. I think back and reflect on how on so many what if’s. Like what if I had a solid budget with big sponsors? Like what if I had a bigger local team behind this project? Like what if I started doing promo way ahead of time? Even though there was room to change the outcomes I’m still super proud of the process and the humble look at Chicago blocks and neighborhoods.
I’m talking humble on the work it takes to put it all together, build traction with families to get them to spark interest, funding the possibility to have food and ship the works of artists outside of the city, and the love I had from day one of this vision. I didn’t get to frame up the work of poz artists but I got to visit and share love for the arts with different people. I didn’t meet my personal goal of turnout numbers but this gave me the challenge to get this info and art combo out to the community I haven’t met yet. With the help of the folks and friends that attended, the first number of pages have already been sketched. Get ready for this zine to drop real soon!
I’m a believer in that with “failures” you can take big wins. I gained a powerful femtors, Lisa Isadora Cruz and Stacy Epps, in this journey and witnessing the need for projects like this. I’m honored to have met such ncredible mujeres that lead so much advocacy after many years and are still pushing to keep necessary changes coming. To have them believe in my vision is so validating and confirms so much of what I felt was missing. The fact that so much gets lost in translation especially with topics like HIV/AIDS. I know that art can be a common language but sometimes abstract and locked away in museums but cultural change is possible when we make health information and art accessible.
#adaywithhiv looks different for everyone. For some it can mean stressing over medication. It can be an internal abyss of fear of disclosure. It can be trying to find housing. It can be trying to find a job. It can be internalizing all of the external stigma and micro aggressions we experience but don’t speak up on cuz we’re not out. For some it can be just trying to find a reason to smile. We all take our journey day by day and sometimes that’s all we can handle.
We must build day upon day learning to sit with yourself and drown out all of the other forces at play and realize your greatness. Your presence, your voice, your experience, your force, your resiliency, your courage, your strength, your vulnerability and your bravery to just live, make you POSITIVELY POWERFUL.
nayobe is regarded as the godmother of freestyle music and one of the most talented singers of the genre. having scored hit across multiple genres, nayobe is what black latinx legends are made of.
nayobe catalina gomez was born in new york in 1968 to afro-cuban parents. nayobe got her start at age 11 after she auditioned for a role in broadway’s “annie.” she said, “i was the only black girl auditioning. they were like ‘she’s got nerve.” she didn’t get the part but she was chosen as an understudy.
after a stint on broadway, which included working with lena horne on the staff production of “the wiz,” nayobe was signed to fever records. she recorded and released “please don’t go”, which is credited as the first latin freestyle song, in 1985. at just just the age of 15, nayobe was ushering a new sound the blended pop, dance, electro and latin music sensibilities. “please don’t go” influenced an entire genre of music that continues to be a staple in many latinx communities.
the success of “please don’t go” lead to a cameo in the 1985 hip-hop movie, “krush groove.” successful and equally as slammin’ singles (“second chance for love” and “good things come to those who wait”) were followed by a self-titled debut album.
by late 1987, nayobe was the undisputed queen of freestyle music even scoring a minor crossover hit with the motion picture “twins” featured “it’s too late.” unfortunately, as the genre grew at pop radio, nayobe got lost in the shuffle as emerging and lighter-skinned artists became the face of latin hip hop, later known as freestyle music, the genre she helped to pioneer.
nayobe signed with epic records and released her sophomore album “promise me” in 1990. the album included production by r&b legends mcfadden and whitehead & teddy riley. although she had the backing of a major label, the r&b sound alienated her freestyle fans and the label struggled with to marketing an afro-latina at both pop and r&b radio.
after taking a few years to regroup, nayobe returned to her dance roots and scored a club hit with "let’s party tonight (we can dance, we can fly)” in 1997. nayobe would soon transition into salsa music and score a hit on the tropical chart with “me hacen falta.”
in 2013, nayobe was awarded a dance music lifetime achievement award. she finally recognized for the contribution to music. there would be no latin freestyle if not for nayobe’s "please don’t go.” she is and will always be the madrina of freestyle music.
It’s #SelfCare Thursday on #KikisWithLouie! Louie sits down with YouTube BFFs Laith and Amber to discuss the importance of identifying healthy friendships while also maintaining their self care. For young LGBTQ folks, it can be difficult to find a space to digest and reflect on everyday stressors, but with friends like these by your side, everything seems possible.
Louie: So we have known each other for at for over 20 years.
Angel: Yeah, we are old! LOL
Louie: Almost lol What was it like for you in the 90s?
Angel: We were coming out with respect being ourselves. We had a club called “El Bravo” and we had so much fun. Everything at that time was on the down low; very different than how it is now. We had drag shows and the locas were everywhere but no one fucked with us.
Louie: What is it like now?
Angel: But now we are who we are opening! Atrevido con respect. You know what I mean? We are out and we don’t care what people say. That’s good, right?
Louie: But of course loca!
Angel: Gran Varòn, I love you.
Louie: I love you too, loca!
Angel Santiago, He/Him/His
Philadelphia, PA
interviewed & photographed: louie a. ortiz-fonseca
[angel was recently involved in a serious hit & run. we wish him a speedy recovery.]
In my time and my neighborhood, a lot of people were the single moms and they had the young single mom that was growing up with. In my culture it was very much, “Yeah stay home, work, go to school, have a kid, this is community.” In Caribbean culture, that afrolatinx culture, where it’s okay to have a family compound. We believe in community and in being together whereas in America it’s, “Oh you graduated? Move out. Time to go, Bye.” You leave the nest.
I grew up with a sense of family as well as my mom and I were really close where I felt like we were friends. But i knew i had that same level of “respect your mom” where “I’m not your little friend.” She wasn’t the youngest, my mom had me when she was around 30 but to me she was my big sister. Not like in the relationship but that I can go out with her and people will mistake us for siblings. We travel together a lot, as a child. We would get up and she would say, “Let’s go here”. We would book a train ticket or a flight and we would go visit this place for a day. That for us was bonding and of course adding into food she would take me to all these different places. And places that she also had never been and kinda expanded, “We’ve never had this let’s try and let me expose you to this.” We have a very close relationship and were able to travel and explore.
I was an only child up until I turned ten and then my little sister was born. We’re ten years apart so theres that age gap of course. Things kind of slowed at that point that where I kinda grew up. But growing up my actual childhood was really great compared to others. Looking back, as a kid you’re kinda selfish “I don’t have this or I don’t that or I don’t have the coolest” I had the coolest where I would redo my childhood or I would offer my childhood to somebody else. We had hard times and struggles but the fact that I got through and still had a type of structure.
Demitri, He/Him/His
Washington DC
GV Fellow
interviewed & photographed by: J. Aces Lira, GV Fellow
on august 19, 1989 - 30 freakin’ years ago - madonna’s “cherish” made its debut on billboard’s hot 100. released as the third single from her “like a prayer” album, the doo-wop motown inspired “cherish” eventually peaked at #2 and that was due in part to the the sultry black and white music video.
herb ritts was already an established and much sought-out photographer by the material girl asked him to direct cherish. the mostly self-taught photographer was initially reluctant telling madonna, “but i’m a still photographer. i don’t know anything about film.” madonna, who even at that time had taken huge risks in reinvention replied, “well you have a few weeks to learn.” and that he did. herb conceptualized the video that gave madonna a softer edged helping her score one of her biggest hits on the adult contemporary chart.
after the success of the “cherish” video, the photographer quickly became one of the prolific music video directors. here are five of my favorite herb ritts directed music videos.
JANET JACKSON “LOVE WILL NEVER DO (WITHOUT YOU)” 1990
“Because Janet is known for her instinctive talent for dance, as well as being an all around entertainer, Janet and I decided to try something innovative on the video. The video is a departure from her elaborate dance production routines and focuses, instead, on her alone, She is fresh, sensual, womanly and vulnerable as she reveals herself to the camera. We wanted to show this intimate and more personal side of Janet” - Herb Ritts
“love will never do” was the record-breaking seventh single from Janet’s magnum opus “Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation: 1814.” the single reached the top of the hot 100 and it’s accompanying music video won for best female video was nominated for best choreography and best art direction at the 1991 MTV video music awards.
TONI BRAXTON “LET IT FLOW” 1995
in 1995 toni braxton was prepping for the release of her sophomore effort, “secrets,” when “let it flow” began to take off at both r&b and pop radio. featured on the “waiting to exhale” soundtrack, “flow” was released as a double a-side single along with “you’re making high,” the lead single from her sophomore effort. the beautiful ice and serene themed video was not given a wide-release as the label prioritized the visual for “high.” the video was later featured on her video collection, “from toni, with love.”
MARIAH CAREY “MY ALL” 1998
filmed entirely in black and white in puerto rico, this ritts directed music video is similar to his work on chris isaak’s video for the 1991 #1 hit “wicked games.” released as the third official single from her 1997 “butterfly” album, the “my all” video features scenes of the illusive chanteuse floating in the sea while laying in a shell. ritts was inspired by the sand botticelli’s painting “birth of venus.”
TRACY CHAPMAN “TELLING STORIES” 2000
“telling stories” was a departure from ritts’ previous work. filmed on the same bus that the 1994 sandra bullock and keanu reeves blockbuster film “speed” was filmed on, the video plays on the song’s lyric, “the truth is in the space between.” released as the lead single from the album of the same title, the “stories” features tracy as the storyteller on a bus as the stories of each passenger is slowly revealed.
BRITNEY SPEARS “DON’T LET ME BE THE LAST TO KNOW” 2000
upon it’s premiere on MTV’s afternoon teen countdown video show TRL on march 2, 2000, this music video raised eye-brows instantly. clad in cut-off jean shorts and a bikini baring her mid-drift, during a time when the media was creepily obsessed with whether or not she was still a virgin, the video featured the then teen pop-queen cuddling with a shirtless model. rumors swirled that justin timberlake, whom she was dating at the time, was jealous of the chemistry britney shared with the video’s co-star.
britney asked ritts to direct this video stating that she was inspired by his work on janet’s “love will never do (without you)” music video.
herb ritts, whom was HIV positive, died on December 26, 2002 due to complications from pneumonia, just one month after his last music video, skakira’s “underneath your clothes,” was released. herb ritts was 50 years old.
before his untimely death, ritts was a charter member on the board of directors for the elton John AIDS foundation. he was also contributed to many charitable HIV organizations, among them amfAR, the elizabeth taylor AIDS foundation, project angel food, and many more.
today we celebrate his life, his art and his legacy.
i remember when i was a little boy, at party events, my uncles and my dad would be playing dominos and the whole gay conversation would be brought up. if a feminine guy walked by, they would be like, “if my son were to be gay, i would kick him out the house. i wouldn’t accept him.” so me, i am taking heed of what they are saying, so i kinda got scared that i couldn’t be myself. so i started changing the way i am, the way i dressed. if i snapped my fingers too much - someone would be like, “you snap your fingers like a girl” or “you roll your eyes.” so little by little, i started changing me.
i was talking to some guy from new york. it was a phone relationship type of thing. i never got to meet him in person but i know that i was so infatuated with him because he sounded so “straight.” people would call me on a daily basis at my sister’s crib. and my sister started telling him that i wasn’t home even when i was. i called him one time and he was like, “your sister keeps telling me you’re not there.” so i felt like i just had to tell her, “hey, i’m gay.” so i went up to her room and told her that if so and so calls me, please pass them to me. i cried when i was telling her. i was like, “i’m in love with this dude and i don’t even know him.” i was young. she said, “yeah, i noticed that now it’s only guys calling you.”
after that, she snitched me out. she told my mother and my mother told my dad and from there it was…boom! now i do me. i can only live for me. it’s not always easy but shit, what is?
moses, he/him/his
philadelphia, pa
interviewed & photographed by: louie a. ortiz-fonseca
psa. if we’re mutuals, we’re automatically friends. u don’t need to say things like “sorry to bother” or “sorry im annoying” bc ur not. ur my friend. u can come to me for anything. u need help? im here. wanna chat? hmu. just wanna gush abt your muse? go for it. we’re friends. ily.
miss-tries-way-too-hard