The Gran Varones is a storytelling project that uses video and photography for Latino Gay and Latino Queer* men. Inspired by Willie Colon’s groundbreaking song “El Gran Varòn,” this project shines a light on what being “out” and “proud” means to us.
Blank
Arching my back To snap the perfect shot I’m bare Maybe this will make him react Make him so erect That he won’t notice how empty I
am I’m blank All that remains is shame
Arching my back He does not even know my name All he knows is that I’m thick Uncut, curvy, and unafraid to
show it all He may think I’m easy Another fast track
Arching my back Inviting a stranger’s touch Lusting for his lips as I sway My hips side to side Waiting for a momentary rush Between the sheets All that remains is a body filled
with shame
Arching my back Snap after snap Pretending it was just a photo It did not mean anything He could look but not touch Until I found myself in the back
seat of his car I felt cheap My lower back pressed against the
door Trying to ignore every thought
telling me “You deserve more”
Arching my back So another stranger could hit my
spot He said, “You could build walls with the
bodies You’ve given your all Did any of them ever make love to
you?”
Written By: Mark Travis Rivera
Mark Travis Rivera is an award-winning activist, choreographer, dancer, speaker, and writer. Raised in Paterson, New Jersey, Rivera learned to overcome the struggles that stem from being Latino, gay, gender non-conforming (femme), and disabled. He learned to embrace every aspect of his identity, which allows him to live a purpose-driven life.
Rivera had been featured at various speaking engagements throughout the US, speaking to audiences at Harvard University, New York University, and San Francisco State University. His talk “Embracing Yourself, Embracing Your Potential” was a hit at the TEDx Talk event at Bergen Community College in Paramus, New Jersey in March of 2014.
A poet and journalist, Rivera has long used writing as a form of expression. His poem, “Love Letters to Myself (Excerpts)” was published in a new anthology, Between: New Gay Poetry More recently, his essay, “Marking My Own Path: An Inner City Dreamer” was published in the anthology, I Am Here: The Untold Stories of Everyday People. Rivera’s writing has also been published in The Bergen Record, Herald News, The Star Ledger, Fox News Latino, and The Huffington Post.
You can also check out Mark’s Gran Varones profile here.
Louie: It’s great to meet you. Have you checked our project? Saul: No, show me. Louie: Are you on instragram? I will show you. Saul: That is nice a project for the gays. I love it. Louie: Would you want your photo taken for the project. Saul: Yeah, Let’s go. Louie: What’s your name on Instagram so I can tag you when we post your pic. Saul: Don’t judge me. lol Louie: No I will not, I promise. Saul: youreafaggot Louie: I love it. Reclaiming the word. Saul: Something like that. lol
Saul, North Philadelphia Interviewed & Photographed by Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca
My name is Yagnaram Ramanuja Dasan but I also go by Ricky. Yagnaram is my religious name. I am 23, Puerto Rican and I grew up in the Olney section of Philadelphia. I also spent a lot of time in the Fairmount section with my grandmother. So I got to experience two very different neighborhoods at the same time.
Louie: What high school did you go to?
Yagnaram: I went to an all-boys Catholic School.
Louie: Oh.
Yagnaram: I grew up as a very devout child so I really didn’t mind getting religion in school and I liked it. It was really only until high school when I was really getting a sense of my identity and who I was as queer person, All of that really kinda started to weigh down on me. Especially towards the latter end of high school because I was “outed” and I was experiencing bullying and harassment like all the time, so it was a really hard experience.
Louie: What was the response you experienced at school?
Yagnaram: I had a mixed bag of reactions. There were some teachers who supported me but they had to be really, really be hush hush about it and they couldn’t openly support me. Whereas other teachers were very much like “this is a sin and you have to stop.” I had some friends were also gay and who supported me and had my back whenever they saw me getting harassed but it was a really small group of kids and we had to find community in that kind of hostile place. We called ourselves the “secret society.” There were about 5 other boys and when we would down the halls, we’d look out for each other
Louie: How do you discover Hinduism?
Yagnaram: So when I coming out, I was also starting to search for a place spiritually because I really started to feel at odds with the (catholic) church. And eventually in high school I became a Hindu because I so much inspired by Hinduism. It just really started to speak to me and it was also really queer affirming. That was also resonating with me. It was something my parents were opposed to on both fronts because it was like “You’re gay and you got this weird religion thing going. What is that?”
Louie: Has that changed?
Yagnaram: As time has gone on, they have become more accepting of my faith than they are about my sexuality, which is really, really weird for me. I am not entirely sure why that is. But they are far more comfortable asking me questions about my faith than they are about meeting a guy that I am dating. That is not even a possibility for them but they’ll ask me about what I believe and what I do when I go to worship.
Interviewed & Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca
Fernando: Thirteen years ago today, I moved from Chicago to Philadelphia with not much more than could fit into a small SUV and with no real idea of what the future would hold. In that time I’ve become a far different person and have found a new home with an amazing career, made some great art, made some amazing friends. I’m a fortunate man.
Louie: Why Philly? Why move here from Chicago?
Fernando: Moved here for love. A hopeless romantic and found that the city was the true love of my life.
Fernando Gonzalez, Philadelphia Interviewed & Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca
Louie: So where in Philly did you grow up and what was it like?
Xander: I grew up in the far north east in Somerton. In that area, it was mostly Russians and Europeans, so there wasn’t much of a variety in ethnicity. Since I am a mix between Colombian and Russian, it was (and sometimes still is) very hard to find spaces and places that I could fit in. Growing up, trying to make friends was very difficult. I would get bullied because I couldn’t speak Spanish. If that wasn’t the case, I was being bullied by the neighborhood, because I looked too “exotic” to fit in. Then adding on to the fact that I am gay never really helped with my sense of belonging. I was already an outcast that would try to hide my differences JUST TO FIT IN.
Louie: When did that change for you?
Xander: It wasn’t until high school that I really felt empowered to investigate what it really meant for me to be Latino. I hung out with a few people down Erie, Tioga, and Allegheny. It’s funny because, although I knew i was an outsider, I did not feel like one. Granted I still get the same remarks of looking or speaking a certain type of way, but that is to be expected.
Louie: So you work in the community, what are your thoughts on the current landscape of Gay/Queer Latinxs?
Xander: What I think is needed most in our community is responsibility. I think it is our responsibility to take care of one another. We need to come together and show everyone that we are not just eye candy. We are more than the food we eat, and the color of our skin. We are more than a box you can check off on an application. We are beautiful and talented with a whole history that should not be shadowed by what society makes us believe. We as a community need to rise up from the ashes like our ancestors have before us.
20 years from now, when i look back I hope to see a stronger Latino community. I hope to see my community not being a statistic for the CDC. I hope to see us standing side by side to end the stigma used to bring down our community. I hope to see that we, together, have created a stronger community for all gay Latino men of all ages.
Our families are being attacked on all fronts. This country is conducting raids on families, women and children who came to the US seeking protection by fleeing violence from their home countries. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents are “apprehending” (more like snatching up people) Central Americans whose asylum applications, DHS claims, have been denied and are now being detained and deported WITHOUT GETTING A COURT HEARING OR ANY DUE PROCESS. It has been reported that as many as 83 Central American immigrants recently denied asylum were murdered within months of their return.
THIS MUST END NOW! Our families deserve freedom! If you see or hear of ICE in your community, contact Juntos at 215.218.9079 so they can spread the word. They can also provide support and information.
I wonder what it was like when my ancestors prayed: amid the chorus of the misty rainforest to the lonely god on the cloudy mountain peak. I wonder what it was like on the sands of the beach where they prayed to the sea: its waves coming and going endlessly- the same waves breaking against my stomach as I wade into the sea of time filling my palms with salty water murmuring mantras an offering for the Sun an offering for the sages and an offering for those same ancestors who stood where I stand, swam where I swim. I let the water seep through my hands time flows like water a current like the warm blood flowing in me carrying the spirits of countless mothers and fathers |
My family feels as if I have turned my back on my history trading as it were the church for the mandir, Spanish for Sanskrit. but I know my ancestors reject neither the water I offer nor the rice I feed them. my blood is their blood, the sea their god and mine also ||
Yagnaram Ramanuja Dasan is a queer, Latino Hindu blogger. He studies at Temple University, where he is earning a BA in Religion. He is also in the process of becoming a Hindu priest. He is the founder of LGBT Hindu Satsang, an affirming worship space for LGBT-identified Hindus. He blogs at his personal website, Jnana-dipena.
Raised in a Roman Catholic household, he later converted to Hinduism in high school after reading the Bhagavad Gita for the first time and finding an immense amount of spiritual fulfillment in it. Due to his religious conversion and coming out as queer, he has felt at odds at times with members of his own family. He struggled to find a place where he truly belonged, never really seeing himself represented anywhere. Through writing, traveling, networking, and finding his voice, he has managed to build a family of his own that celebrates all the various parts of his identity.
When he is not in school or doing work with the Satsang, you can catch him taking photos, going on meditation walks, or making a batch of tostones.
You can follow Yagna here: on his blog: jnanadipena.wordpress.com on Twitter: @YRD108 on FB: facebook.com/YRD108 on Tumblr: yrd108.tumblr.com
when we started to the gran varones project, we never
imagined that the outcome would be a documentary film. in the winter of 2013,
with a no money, a few iphones, a flip cam and a shoddy microphone, we began
interviewing gay latino men from north philadelphia for a portrait photography
project. our goal was to raise the voices of gay latino men in philadelphia
telling our stories, the stories that often times get left out of the lgbtq
narrative.
in just a few months, we quickly amassed about 20 hours of film.
we knew we had to do something with the footage so we decided to download an
editing program, and learned how to use it as we edited the footage. The final
product is a 55 minute documentary of latino gay men courageously sharing their
stories and experiences.
the “our legacy is alive” documentary is a reminder that we
must tell our stories. the stonewall movie is a sobering truth that if we do
not tell and share our stories, no one will. we hope that you are inspired by
the film to share yours . we hope that this film serves as proof that our
stories can heal and brief life in our communities right here, right now. our
legacy is alive.
project coordinators:
louie a. ortiz-fonseca
anthony leon
sean laughlin
this film and project are dedicated to the courageous varones who have
so generously shared their stories in effort to raise our voices.
special thanks: gloria casarez, brent morales, charlotte sahadeo, erika
amiròn niz, nikki lopez, elicia gonzales, jaymie campbell, kira manser, samantha dato,
raices culturales latinoamericanas, concilio taller puertorriqueño and everyone
who has supported the making of this film and project.
Latinos are the largest and fastest-growing ethnic group in the United
States. We also are one of the groups most heavily impacted by HIV.
According to CDC, we account for 21% of
all new HIV infections in the United States. Gay and bisexual men bear
the greatest burden of HIV infection in our communities. In some major
cities, studies found that nearly 1 in 5 Latino gay and bisexual men are
infected with HIV.
So on this day, we are celebrating a few unsung varones who are working everyday to end stigma in our communities. We also send our deepest gratitude to all of you who are having conversations about HIV and working everyday to eliminate stigma and
reinforce this beautiful truth: WE ARE THE CURE!
MARCO BENJAMIN foto by: Jesus Rodriguez of LuzAzulStudios
“Today is World AIDS day. I firmly believe in my life time we will see an HIV free generation and always remember that together and only together we will win the war on HIV/AIDS.” Marco does not just speak this beautiful talk but he walks this warrior walk.
A nationally renowned speaker and advocate, Marco works with Latino communities all the over country to develop cultural relative HIV prevention and treatment programs. Diagnosed in 2008, he immediately called his mother and said “Mami, I’m going to ruin your day.” She reacted by saying, “I thought you were going to tell me you were in jail. ‘Mi'jo, you are not the first and you are not going to be the last (to have HIV), Then she made sure I went off to the doctor to see about treatment.“ She also does her part in educating the community. Marco’s approach to HIV prevention and advocacy is a reminder that the fight to end HIV stigma requires love and familia.
Marco currently works with the AIDS Healthcare Foundation of New Jersey.
RICARDO “RICKY” MELENDEZ
Ricardo is what North Philly Legends are made of. In the 90s, he was
one of the very few Latinos dominating the ballroom scene in
Philadelphia. He used that notoriety to create spaces for LGBT Latinos
by organizing LGBT events in the heart of North Philly. "Not everyone
wanted or could go to the gayborhood. So I wanted to create events in
our neighborhood.” He would go on to create the now legendary Travesuda
Nights.
“I
tested positive on this day 20 years ago. I remember feeling scared and
alone. It was a trans Latina friend of mine who held me together. Now
it is my mission in life to do that for other varones who have just been
diagnosed. Our stories and existence alone ends HIV stigma. We have power chyle!”
On Friday, December 4th, Ricky will be hosting an event commemorating World AIDS Day. Click here for more info.
ADRIAN CASTELLANOS
Adrian aka Ayden is a twenty-three year old HIV and AIDS advocate/activist from Texas, Rio Grande Valley who utilizes social media to deconstruct stigma and engage with as many people as possible.
At twenty one, Castellanos’ path was redirected as he was diagnosed with AIDS, while he spent two weeks in a hospital room, he decided to “make his mess his message”. Since being diagnosed on March 26, 2014 he has gone on to receive a Youth Initiative Scholarship to attend USCA in OCT. 2014, acquire a position with the Valley AIDS Council (the only HIV/AIDS Agency in his area) JAN. 2015, receive a separate scholarship to attend AIDSWatch in APR. 2015 and receive a Social Media Fellows Scholarship to USCA 2015. Adrian now spends his time doing free HIV screenings at two universities in his area and for the community with his agency. He also participates in outreach and education efforts to raise awareness within his community.
“AIDS is still a very real thing. I want you to remember that. Queer
Latinx people often pass away withing the first year of diagnoses
because we waited too long before getting tested. Because homphobia
won’t allow us to talk about our sex. Because transphobia makes us
targets of systemic and interpersonal violence. Because racism puts us
at a level of disadvantage that prevents us from seeking medical
attention”
Read his inspiring World AIDS Day article here.
Jorian Alexi Veintidos
At just 23, Jorian Alexi Veintidos has already begun creating a huge shift in the way that HIV is seen and talked about in Latino communities in Philadelphia. He recently shared his story with Gran Varones and it became our most shared and viewed profile. He courage to speak openly about living with HIV has opened the much needed conversation among varones. “By sharing my story as a young person living and thriving with HIV, I want to be a model of positivity that while my journey was has not been easy journey it also has not been impossible.”
Jorian was recently selected by Advocates for Youth after a national search to be a Youth Ambassador for National Youth AIDS Awareness Day.
ANTHONY LEON
Anthony moved to Philadelphia in 2013 and immediately began working and mentoring Latino and Black gay and trans* youth. For two years he served as coordinator of Mazzoni Center’s #A1PHA Project, one of Philadelphia’s only prevention project that intentionally and culturally works with young Latino gay men.
Anthony is also the co-creator of the Gran Varones Project and has leveraged that role to unapologetically advocate varones who continue to be marginalized by racism, poverty, homophobia and HIV Stigma. “Because Gran Varones, people disclose to me and reach out for support in navigating care and treatment services.”
Anthony is one the most sex and body positive people we know. approach to ending stigma is essential as we all deserve to feel sexy, fuck, get fucked, make love and have a healthy sex life regardless of our HIV status and body size.
Anthony is currently Youth Education Manager at Mazzoni Center where in addition to overseeing the #A1PHA Project, he manages their Ally Safe Schools Project.
RICHARD “RICHIE” LABOY
Richie has worked for various non-profit organizations since 2002. He has worked deeply with the Ballroom Community in Philadelphia on many social and sexual health issues including; homelessness, HIV/AIDS awareness, mental health treatment, substance abuse rehabilitation, fighting poverty and HIV stigma. He is legendary on both and off of the runway!
“I grew up in the Ballroom community. It was my family and I watched as HIV took many of them away from me. It fuels my passion. I owe it to my community to make sure that they are reached – with dignity and affirmation.”
Deemed legendary in 2009, Richard continues to be make in the impact in the ballroom scene as part of the House of Miyake-Mugler. He is also working as a Clinical Research Assistant at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia where he works on a research project to determine if a culturally-tailored health promotion intervention will reduce health risk behaviors of young men who have sex with men within the Ballroom community in Philadelphia.
gran varones creator, louie a. ortiz-fonseca reminds us that our silence will NOT protect us and that queer latin@s will NOT be shamed back into closets.
